Ken improves the new Scarlet Letter sequel…

From the fervid response to the notice I posted yesterday (see blog entry below) about the new novel Hester from author Paula Reed, wherein the heroine of The Scarlet Letter gets involved with political intrigue due to her newly revealed magical powers, I can only guess the book will be a big hit.

However, I thought I could make it even more commercially viable. See what you think…  (My addition bolded for your convenience.)  Ms. Reed is free to use my suggestion without any obligation to share the huge financial windfall it promises.

Hester   Paula Reed. St. Martin’s, $24.99 (320p) ISBN 978-0-312-58392-7

In The Scarlet Letter, Hawthorne hints that after Hester Prynne’s husband and lover die, Hester and her daughter, Pearl, travel abroad. In her inventive if implausible debut, Reed takes this suggestion and runs wild with it, beginning with Pearl’s inheritance of a small fortune. Eager to start anew, Hester uses the money to travel to England with Pearl and to find a suitable marital match [with a sparkly vampire]. Upon arrival, Hester reunites with a childhood friend whose husband is an ally of Oliver Cromwell, and when Cromwell learns of Hester’s magical ability to see other people’s sins, he recruits her to help ferret out those plotting against him. She acquiesces, only to become deeply embroiled in political intrigue that threatens to destroy the new life she’s created. A few romantic trysts spice up the story and result in some un-Puritan-like scenarios, though it’s hard to imagine Hester using a word like “cock” or describing postcoital “shudders of pleasure.” Pearl has been similarly revised, though Reed frequently puts words into the precocious girl’s mouth that are stilted and wise beyond her years. Nevertheless, in revisiting this classic, Reed has created an entertaining and unlikely sequel. (Feb.)

  • Ericb

    Maybe Oliver Cromwell could be the sparkly vampire.

  • That would be AWESOME!

  • A guaranteed hit.

  • Charles Goodwin

    Nevertheless, in revisiting this classic, Reed has created an entertaining and unlikely sequel.

    “Unlikely”, got it in spades.

    “Entertaining”, highly unlikely.

    Unless of course, they do use the “sparkly vampire” idea… might as well throw in a shirtless werewolf, or maybe save that for the sequel or movie version.

  • Ericb

    Maybe for the sequel she can cave Hester crossing paths with the Three Musketeers … who will turn out to be shirtless werewolves.

  • Blackadder

    Quickest way to improve Reed’s book: a can of gasoline and a match.

  • With just a little nudge from Ken, this could solidly end up in Pride & Prejudice & Zombies territory…

  • R. Dittmar

    And who better to play the movie version of the vampiric yet sparkly Oliver Cromwell than a wise-cracking yet adorable Will Smith?

  • Ericb

    Will Smith will be too old for the role. Zac Efron would be perfect though.

    “When Hester first glimpsed Olivers’s glowing, almost sparkling, visage she was taken aback. Here was a man whose chronological age was five and forty years yet even with his rugged good looks and air of brooding deep thought he didn’t look a day over eighteen. Miracle indeed! Her magic senses told her great things were in store for the two of them.”

  • Add a few car chases and massive explosions and you’ll have the next big Michael Bay summer blockbuster…Oh damn! Did I just do a bad thing?

  • Mr. Rational

    Hmmph. If you’re going to cast ANYBODY as the sparkly vampire, I demand it be Patrick Stewart. Well, I’d like you to try, anyway…just to see how fast he hangs up the phone…

  • Toreen

    What scares me is that someone is actually agreed to PUBLISH this mess. How bad was the rest of the slush pile?!?!?!?!?

  • Ericb

    Check out her other master works.

    http://www.paula-reed.com/romances.html

  • Paula J

    Oh lordy.

    They may as well re-write the original to have Hester out the baby daddy on Springer, then sue for child support.

    /facepalm

  • Charles Goodwin

    Gosh, the site from the link Ericb provided contains an excerpt of this important new novel!

    http://www.paula-reed.com/hester_excerpt.html

    After reading that all my qualms about this are truly…

    … and completely validated. A riot is an ugly thing… AND I THINK IT IS JUST ABOUT TIME THAT WE HAD ONE!!!

  • Ericb

    Anyone know any voodoo spells that can resurrect Nathaniel Hawthorne a hungry and vengeful zombie?

  • ahab

    Just read the excerpt….Holy crap talk about your purple prose, wait is there anything beyond purple? fuchsia perhaps?

  • KeithB

    Is Jabootu moonlighting?

  • Paula J

    To summon the zombies (maybe even Zombie Shakespeare!) we can use:
    Collin – Rayburn – Nars – Trebek Zabars – Kresge – Caldor – Walmart

    When we’re done, a simple:
    Trojan – Ramses – Magnum – Sheik

    Voila! Problem averted, Simpsons trivia quota for the day filled, all in one fell swoop!

  • Ahab,

    I believe past purple prose would be violet prose. Unfortunately, I think this has shot past purple, through utlraviolet prose, and on into X-ray or gamma-ray prose.

  • roger h

    next “Silas Murder” (for you Jean Gary Diablo fans).

    Hey Ken, you posted over Sandy’s review of Gruesome Twosome.

  • P Stroud

    Part II of Gruesome Twosome is still there. You have to click on the link at the end of Part I