Surprise! Ken hates Hippy Stuff…

Updated on August 14, 2009 By Ken Begg 46 Comments

Have you seen the posters for the 40th anniversary Woodstock tour?  OK, whatever, Woodstock.  Enjoy, you (formally formerly) hairy (now balding) weirdoes.  Put your new $200 tie die T-shirts on, or pull your old ones taut over your now expansive guts, and sing along with the old tunes as you weep over how you were the beautiful caring generation that was going to change the world but didn’t because you were too busy smoking dope and chasing tail and attacking your parents (who actually fought real Nazis) as fascists all while living on their credit cards.  Boody-hoo.  Then relive the wonder of it all when it’s rerun ad nauseum as a PBS fundraising special for the next five years.

But seriously, the reunion tour is called “The Heroes of Woodstock”?  Heroes?  In what hellish context are bands that played at Woodstock ‘heroes’?  For the love of Pete, just die already, you sorry, arrogant, self-mythologizing bastards. 

Affectionately yours,

Ken

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  • Ericb

    I’m a “liberal” and even I can’t stand all that boomer narcissism.

  • Yeah, I don’t think liberal or conservatives has anything (inherently) to do with it. It’s the noxious self-regard that gets your goat. You know that stage where kids beat on pots and march around chanting, “I am so great! I am so great!”? There’s an entire cohort of the Boomers who never outgrew that.

  • Tork_110

    There’s an episode of Star Trek: Voyager that treats Woodstock as an important event, comparing it to Sir Isaac Newton and his theories and Riker stopping the Borg from attacking earth.

    http://memory-alpha.org/en/wiki/Death_Wish_(episode)

    I remember that Woodstock 2 or whatever had people sliding around in the mud. It was like the news spent every night showing people caked in mud.

  • JazzyJ

    Wait…

    Ken — you hate hippies? Since when?

    ;-)

  • Want a good laugh?

    Look up the number of people that were actually at Woodstock. Compare it to, say, a frigging Miley Cyrus concert attendance number.

    The more that people act like a music performance is some sort of timeless experience, the worse that music actually is. I am patiently waiting for the Boomers to go the way of the dodo.

  • Vie

    So I guess you won’t be first in line for tickets to the new Woodstock movie, then……

  • Terrahawk

    I saw a part of some story about it a few nights ago. I turned to the wife and said “And we had them all in one spot to take them out.”

  • Foywonder

    I thought this baby and its bath water already got thrown out with Woodstock ’94 when the whole thing was just one giant over-priced corporate shilling that seemed to be the antithesis of everything the original Woodstock was supposed to be about.

  • The battle between hippies and hippie-haters over at the Wall Street Journal’s comments section is pretty entertaining, though:

    http://tinyurl.com/pmekpp

  • Ericb

    … and let’s not forget the Manson murders and Altamont.

  • brandywine

    “Hippies. They’re everywhere. They wanna save the Earth, but all they do is smoke pot and smell bad.”

  • Joe Robin

    Best. Piece. Ever.

  • Joe Robin

    But seriously, Ken, don’t you want somebody to love?

    Do you need somebody to love?

    …

    You better find somebody to love.

  • Gristle McThornbody

    IMNSHO, the only “Hero” of Woodstock was Pete Townsend, who beat Abbie Hoffman with his guitar to knock him off of the stage.

    Well done, Pete. Well done.

  • When I think of 1969, I think of my dad cradling a 7 month old me and watching the moon landing. That was the significant event of that decade.

  • Hasimir Fenring

    Nah man, what you got to ask your dad is, has he ever looked at the moon, man? I mean really looked at it?

  • Ken,

    I love your site, but you hit on one of my pet peeves. It is “formerly”, not “formally”. Unless you mean that some sort of mathematical or philosophic system defines them as hairy, or their hair was particularly well dressed.

    Sorry, I hate nit picking, but I can’t help it, this one happens so often it drives me nuts.

    At least you didn’t write “rediculous.” (The most common misspelling that drives me insane.) I would have to “redicule” you then.

    Other than that, agree one hundred percent.

    (Again, sorry for the nitpicking. I tried to stop myself, but for some reason I just can’t.)

  • And El Santo, thanks for the link. It amused me to no end. Though after a while I began to wonder if anyone was actually reading the comments to which they responded, or just throwing out random rants.

  • Terrahawk

    I loved the comment over there about Woodstock changing the world. Really, can anyone be so self-absorbed to think that Woodstock changed the world? As the article pointed out, the style of music at Woodstock was on it’s downward trend. Disco would soon be ascendant.

  • Ken, I’m about a radian to the left of you in most things, but we find a point of agreement on the fact that, whilst I’ve nothing against hippies, I just don’t want them coming ’round my planet.

    I guess the real heroes of Woodstock would have been the ones in the B-52, airbursting that daisy-cutter over the festival site…….ah well, I can dream.

  • sardu

    Ugh. Three days of peace, love and music. About three more days and it would have been peace, love and cannibalism. No music because the rock stars had helicopters. Without a support system of Squares and The Man just outside the walls Woodstock would have been Lord Of The Flies, Bangladesh and Jonestown rolled into one big happy clusterf@ck.

  • Reed

    Say what you will about the concert, but Edgar Winter is playing and he is one fabulous musician.

    That’s not an ironic statement. He plays keys, saxophone, percussion, probably other things that I’m forgetting, and has an amazing singing voice. So, it might be a good show.

    I have no idea if he was actually at Woodstock, though. Maybe it was just his heroes playing at Woodstock.

    Oh, and I have a nephew that went to the revival Woodstock. There was enough free sex and drugs going around that the spirit was maintained despite the corporate shilling.

  • Andrew — I’m sorry, sir, but if there’s one thing we here at Jabootu cannot abide, it’s nitpicking. Surely one can find better way to spend one’s time?

  • I’m with you there, Ken. My Dad was actually about during Woodstock (not actually there – just dealing with the people who were a part of it), and he’s got more stories about the would-be saviors of the world starting riots across the state than he does about the military being evil and trying to keep The Man down… this from a man whose stated attitude towards the draft is that they’re pretty lucky they never picked his number, so he’s hardly *that* biased about it.

    Just no use for hippies.

    All that aside, there is something you *should* like. Take a look at the casting tidbits for Machete. If nothing changes, not only will we have Danny Treyjo (however that’s spelled), but Robert DeNiro… and Steven Segal.

    Just the thought of DeNiro and Segal on the same screen makes me tingle in morbid anticipation.

  • Wayne

    I’m surprised they’re STILL celebrating Woodstock…but it doesn’t bother me. I own the movie on DVD and while I enjoy it I don’t see what was so special about the event. I was born in 1962 so I think I’m (technically) not a baby boomer–maybe that’s why I don’t get it. However if it makes people happy to celebrate it more power to them! Really–who are they hurting? You’re entitled to your opinion Ken but you came on just too strong against Woodstock.

  • Ericb

    Speaking of Seagal, I just got the new Fletcher Hanks book and I think that he should play Stardust the Super Wizard in the film version. How about it Quentin?

  • P Stroud

    P Stroud was 19 years old and piloting a gunboat on the Cua Viet River when Woodstock occurred. Later he had his 3-in-1 copy of “The Lord Of The Rings” that he bought in Australia and his Navy work jacket with patches from every Asian country he visited stolen by a hippy. P Stroud hates hippies too. A load of druggie slackers whose “useful idiot” lifestyles blackened the reputation of an entire generation. Now when people think of baby boomers they never think of the majority of boomers who aren’t whining looters demanding free health care. Thoughts by boomers that Woodstock had any positive meaning at all are delusional. Those idiots would return us to the Stone Age… a Stone Age reeking of cannabis.

  • BeckoningChasm

    If the choice came down to a sudden appearance hordes of a) hippies or b) zombies, zombies would be my choice.

  • Anders

    “So remember, the man next to you is your dinner.”

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Q-geN5M58Y&feature=related

    Meh, it was one of Hendrix’ lesser concerts anyway…

    Over here in Sweden, a lot of the crazy Maoist lefties went neoliberal* in the 80’s and are now becoming whiny, self-obsessed senior citizens who were too busy discovering themselves to spawn some kids to look after them when they get old. Their self-righteousness transcends all political boundaries.

    *This seems to have been their modus operandi: shun the older and more moderate political ideologies (in this case social democracy and moderate liberalism) in favour of the new thing which doesn’t require logical thinking or hard work, however insane that new thing might be (totalitarian agrarian socialism in a democratic, industrialized state? That’ll work…).

  • GalaxyJane

    That’s because you can use cricket bats on zombies.

  • And shotguns.

    And scarecrows.

  • Ericb

    Speaking of Zombies:

    WHEN ZOMBIES ATTACK!: MATHEMATICAL
    MODELLING OF AN OUTBREAK OF ZOMBIE
    INFECTION

    http://www.mathstat.uottawa.ca/~rsmith/Zombies.pdf

  • P Stroud

    Can someone tell me the difference between a hippie and a zombie? I’ve never been able to tell.

  • How to tell a zombie from a hippie (by a baby boomer who remembers Woodstock bur is happy to admit he did nto attend).

    1) Zombies engage in independent action.

    2) Zombie rags were once decent clothing.

    3) Zombies don’t carry STDs.

    4) Zombies are self-motivated.

  • BeckoningChasm

    Don’t forget this: when zombies speak at all, they say necessary or intelligent things, like “Brains!” or “More brains!”

    Hippies never shut up, and they never say anything necessary or intelligent.

  • ProfessorKettlewell

    Furthermore, zombies cease shambling around and moaning incoherently if their brains are utterly destroyed…..

  • Gristle McThornbody

    As proven by Eric Cartman on an episode of the scientific documentary TV show South Park, hippies can be driven off by cranking up Reign in Blood, by Slayer.

    Zombies, however, kind of dig speed metal. It’s got a good beat and they can sway and shamble to it.

  • BT

    As a liberal who would rather rip out my toenails than spend 3 days with a bunch of hippies playing folk music, I’d still like to say a lot of the stuff I’m reading here is a bit harsh.

    I mean I understand not liking hippies (they annoy the crap out of me), but wishing death upon them? Repeatedly?

    Put another way, if I were to post a thread about how great it would be if we could shower the crowd at a Sarah Palin rally with napalm, wouldn’t you guys find that a bit over the top (nothing against Palin, just picking a random conservative target)?

    I have no problem with you guys disliking hippies (I had friends who were Dead-heads in college, and it was like nails on a chalkboard listening to that music), but wishing death on them seems to be a bit of an overreaction.

  • I’m outraged!

    I should note that I wished a class of obnoxious oldsters to die of natural causes, unaided by any outside agency. So I’m not sure the idea of dropping napalm on a group is the same thing.

    And again, I don’t see how this is a conservative issue: Every sane person of whatever political bent hates hippies. They’re like mimes.

  • BT

    Sorry ken, I was referring more to the comments than the post.

    And you might be right. If someone called for the brutal slaughter of mimes, I might not even notice.

  • P Stroud

    Actually I can see posts about raining napalm on Palin supporters by going to DailyKos anytime.

  • BeckoningChasm

    Man, all I said was a horse of zombies was preferable to a horde of hippies, and I get slammed with a hate crime thing. Yet…everyone hates hippies. So…I’m guilty? Help me out with the logic here.

  • BT

    I don’t know Pstroud, I kind of thought we’d be shooting for a level of discourse at least a notch or two above that of the comments section of the dailykos.

    And beckoningchasm, I’m not accusing anyone of a hate crime. I’m just saying the comments seem a bit harsh.

  • BT, I’ve looked through the comments, and I’ve found only one that, in an obviously tongue in cheek manner, contains any death to hippies humor. No offense, but I think you may be overreacting.

    Wayne–Celebrating is one thing; describing participants as “heroes” is pathetically delusional.

  • ProfessorKettlewell

    Um….I think think he meant me, and if I actually upset anyone, hand raised and My Bad.

  • SuperVepr

    “And we had them all in one spot to take them out.” My ex-father-in-law and Vietnam SpecOps veteran said nearly the same thing. It was hilarious then and it’s hilarious now. Maybe ol’ Spooky should have paid them a visit?