You poor bastards…

Updated on May 13, 2008 By Ken Begg 7 Comments

I saw a piece in Crane’s Chicago Business this morning and was revolted and horrified to learn that the nation’s two leading brands of store bought hot dogs are Oscar Mayer’s and Ballpark Franks. Good grief!! I don’t think Vienna Beef is a national brand, and I’m not sure if Best Kosher is, but I know Hebrew National is, and their dogs are about the best you can get even here. Jeez Louise, spring a few extra bucks, people. I wouldn’t feed Ballpark Franks to a dog, unless it was a rabid dog I was hoping to kill, like Cujo.

And stop putting ketchup on hot dogs, you sick ~&*$#s.

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  • Ericb

    If the store is out of Hebrew National I don’t eat hot dogs that day.

  • You are a wise, wise man, my friend. I also like Vienna and Best Kosher, but Hebrew National is the best even amongst that rarified company.

  • andy80

    Sorry I love the cheap ones! And ketchup is all i put on them! Sad but true.

  • The Rev. D.D.

    I grew up eating cheap-ass hot dogs ’cause that’s what we could afford. Oscar Mayer and Corn King (I think that’s the name…some Midwestern brand I have never seen anywhere else).
    Ever since having Hebrew Nationals, though, I’ve never gone back and never will. Totally worth the money if I decide I want hot dogs.

    I also tend to pick up a Vienna or two anytime I fly through O’Hare.

    But I will NOT stop with the ketchup dammit. I can eat them without it, and don’t mind doing so, but sometimes I want it with ketchup, and none of you elitist pricks can stop me! So there!!

  • Hey! I like me some beef Ball Park franks!

    …

    But yeah, I should probably integrate more Hebrew National in my diet. I only have myself to blame.

  • Bobby-G

    Vienna & Best Kosher are my favorites for the beef dogs — for some reason, Hebrew National just doesn’t taste good to me. The Dominick’s supermarket store brand (changed — now I think instead of “Dominick’s” brand, it’s now Safeway) of beef franks were decent too.

    I do like Oscar Meyer, both the regular and beef (I just ate one!). Years ago here in Chicago the L train (Ravenswood, now “Brown Line”) I’d ride to work on passed the Oscar Meyer processing plant (actually through it in a way — there were two buildings on either side of the track), and each morning and evening I’d get a strong wif of that Oscar Meyer Weiner scent — I liked it!

    Oh, yes, it may be sacrilege here in Chicago, but I do put Ketchup on the dog (I’ll either have nothing on it, or just ketchup).

  • Wow, you really are from Chicago.