It Came From Beneath the Silt!

Updated on June 30, 2005 By Ken Begg 1 Comment

General Bluster: “Look, Professor, we’re soldiers, not scientists! Try to explain why you called us here in words we can understand!”
Prof. Reason: “Very well, General. After a careful examination of this monstrous specimen, by all indications closely related to the common Ictalurns Punctacus, I was startled to find vestigual gill striations generally associated with a catfish freshly emergent from the eggsack.”
General Bluster, shocked: “You mean…”
Prof. Reason: “Yes, General. There can be no doubt…this 650 pound catfish WAS BUT A SPAWNLING!! Now, let me show you this movie I’ve put together, which will explain why naturalists commonly refer to the catfish as ‘the killer shrew of the deep’…”

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  • Chad

    General Bluster: “Well, Professor, the President has given you absolute authority to deal with the giant catfish menace by any means you deem necessary. What is your plan?”
    Prof. Reason: “Conventional weapons have failed. Atomic bombs are useless against them. Our plan to lure them into the La Brea Tar Pits failed when we ran out of frozen shrimp, so that can’t be tried again. I’m completely at a loss.”
    General Bluster: “Have you checked with your assistants to see what they’ve cooked up?”
    Prof. Reason: “They’ve been working on a . . . Wait! That’s it! It’s a one-in-a-million shot, but it’s all we’ve got! General, I need two tons of cornmeal, eight hundred gallons of buttermilk, ten thousand gallons of canola oil, and fifty bushels of lemons.”
    General Bluster: “What do you need . . .Ah! I see. And it’s just crazy enough to work!”
    Dr. Eye-Candy: (enters with tray) “Coffee?”