As with NBC (see blog entry below), ABC has released their official fall line-up information. The network is adding seven new dramas, four comedies and one ‘alternative’ series. (A reality show?)
You know, there used to be a time, back in the dinosaur days of the Big Three Networks, when I watched a *lot* of TV (I know, you’re shocked), and could recite the primetime schedules of ABC, CBS and NBC for any night of the week. Now I read that ABC is renewing shows like October Road and Men in Trees and Notes from the Underbelly and I’m like, “Wow, I haven’t even heard of those shows.”
Here’s the new stuff:
Big Shots stars Michael Vartan from Alias (and Rogue, the giant croc movie that sadly I guess is going right to DVD) and many, many other TV show vets, and is a big business exposé with a lot of sex, presumably like LA Law only about the corporate world.
By the way, are descriptions like these supposed to do anything other than warn potential viewers off of these shows? “This is the story of four friends at the top of their game…until the women in their lives enter the room. Lines between boardroom and bedroom blur when these competitive but dysfunctional CEOs take refuge in their friendship, discussing business, confiding secrets, seeking advice and supporting each other through life’s surprising twists and turns.”
Cashmere Mafia is a completely groundbreaking show about four women who are not only “successful” but also “beautiful.” Also, they have “complex personal lives.” Man, that’s some envelope-pushing there. Amazing, Sex & the City ran how long ago, and yet at least two networks (see NBC’s Lipstick Jungle; good grief, it’s even just about the same name) are ripping it off this year. Stars Lucy Lui.
Dirty Sexy Money Finally, a show apparently written by monkeys! Or at least that title was, right? I can’t even summarize this: “Some people say money is the root of all evil. [Actually, that’s the Bible, but it’s not money that’s the root of all evil, it’s the “love of money.”] They may be right. Nick George’s whole life has been lived in the shadow of the Darling family, but as an adult he’s leading the perfect life as an idealistic lawyer [IS THERE ANY OTHER KIND?!], until his father’s suspicious death. The absurdly wealthy Darlings of New York have asked him to take over his father’s job as their personal lawyer, but the money that will allow him the freedom to be an altruistic [or autistic] do-gooder is only part of the picture. That same money pulls him into the dubious doings of the Darling clan. Power, privilege and family money are a volatile [not to mention incoherent] cocktail.” Stars Donald Sutherland as, I’m assuming, the evil family Patriarch.
Eli Stone: A successful corporate (Boo!) lawyer [network subtlety at work: “Eli has built a successful career at a top law firm in San Francisco representing only the biggest and richest corporations that make a habit of screwing over the little guy] gets a possible brain tumor and realizes with horror that he never was a do-gooder lawyer [see Dirty Sexy Money], so he becomes one. Blech! I assume this is the same one this seedling series, described in an LA Times article on a class that taught you to pitch TV shows:
“[Prospective pitch-er] Kristiansen took a breath and launched into her idea: a corrupt prosecutor, faced with his own mortality, decides to reopen his past cases and seek justice for those he had wronged.
In a key scene, the attorney learns he has cancer. “He leans against the wall outside the hospital, unable to walk, near tears. Finally someone stops and asks him if he needs help,” she said. It turns out to be a homeless beggar the attorney had dismissed earlier. Kristiansen’s voice broke and her eyes welled up.
“Sorry!” she said with a little laugh. “It’s a powerful scene.”
I’ll say!!
Maybe this show isn’t that one reworked, but if not, it’s even more damning. By the way, Eli Stone also features a Joan of Arcadia element: “But after experiencing a series of odd hallucinations, Eli seeks to find a deeper meaning to life…when [he] discovers an aneurysm in his brain, he wonders if his condition is truly medical or if perhaps he now has a higher calling.”
Good grief!!
Private Practice is that much yakked-about spin off from Grey’s Anatomy. I don’t watch that show, so I’m not really the one to comment on this.
Women’s Murder Club is based on a series of mysteries by James Patterson about four woman with convenient jobs (a cop, DA, reporter and medical examiner—gee, there aren’t many MEs on TV, huh?) who pool their resources to solve murders.
Pushing Daises is the next of the endless ‘quirky’ shows about someone with a ‘special power’ (Medium, Tru Calling, Wonder Falls, a zillion others]: “From Bryan Fuller (“Heroes”) and Barry Sonnenfeld (“Men in Black”) comes an unprecedented blend of romance, crime procedural and high-concept fantasy in a forensic fairytale about a young man with a very special gift. Once upon a time, a mild-mannered boy named Ned realized he could touch dead things and bring them back to life. Grown-up Ned puts his ability to good use, not only touching dead fruit and making it ripe with everlasting flavor, but working with an investigator to crack murder cases by asking the deceased to name their killers. But the tale gets complicated, as all tales do, when Ned brings his childhood sweetheart, Chuck, back from the dead and keeps her alive. Chuck encourages him to use his power to help others, instead of merely solving mysteries and collecting the rewards. Life would be perfect for Ned and Chuck, except for one cruel twist: If he ever touches her again, she’ll go back to being dead, this time for good.”
Contrived much?
Carpoolers: I swear to Jabootu!! “Less about saving the environment than male bonding, four guys from very different backgrounds relish their daily commute as they commiserate about their lives, jobs and families in the carpool lane. There’s Laird, the recently divorced playboy; Aubrey, the timid homemaker and breadwinner; the conservative and traditional Gracen [Gracen?!]; and eager newlywed Dougie [wow, lot’s of sex jokes—how original!]. Together, between the pressures of home and work, these men find time to be themselves while driving to and from the office.” Followed Soon by “Regulars Who Stand In Line at Starbucks Everyday.”
Cavemen is, indeed, that show lifted from the characters on the Geico car insurance commercials. What a world.
Miss/Guided It’s about a single woman who does a Welcome Back, Kotter thing and gets a job at her old school as (three guesses) a guidance counselor. OK, as soon as I saw that strained title, I was like “Next!” Seriously, that’s arguably a worse, even more precious title than Sexy Dirty Money.
“Sam I Am”: “When a terrible accident leaves Samantha “Sam” Newly in a coma for eight days, she wakes up with no recollection of any past experiences, memories or events. Faced with amnesia, Sam must start over. To her dismay she discovers that she wasn’t a particularly honest, good-hearted or loving person. In fact she was self-involved, narcissistic and devoid of real relationships – essentially a bitch. Sam must now struggle with her desire to be good and her temptation to be…not so good. Finding the line between good and evil is never easy.” Ah, and the My Name is Earl rip-offs begin. Stars Christina Applegate.
Here’s the “alternative” series: “Oprah’s Big Giveâ„¢” The first primetime series from Harpo Productions centers on the competition, drama and emotion as millions of dollars are given away to make a difference in people’s lives across the country. Each week contestants will face a “big twist” that will test their nerve, drive, ingenuity and passion. Big name stars will turn up throughout the series to join the “Oprah’s Big Giveâ„¢” tour. During the eight episodes filmed in various U.S. cities, the field will be narrowed. The stakes will get higher and higher, with one person ultimately being chosen as The Biggest Giver.”
Harpo was dumb, wasn’t he? Just saying.
Here’s the complete schedule:
MONDAY:
8:00 p.m. “Dancing with the Stars”
9:30 p.m. “Sam I Am” (new comedy series)
10:00 p.m. “The Bachelor”
TUESDAY:
8:00 p.m. “Cavemen” (new comedy series)
8:30 p.m. “Carpoolers” (new comedy series)
9:00 p.m. “Dancing with the Stars the Results Show”
10:00 p.m. “Boston Legal”
WEDNESDAY:
8:00 p.m. “Pushing Daisies” (new drama series)
9:00 p.m. “Private Practice” (new drama series)
10:00 p.m. “Dirty Sexy Money” (new drama series)
THURSDAY:
8:00 p.m. “Ugly Betty”
9:00 p.m. “Grey’s Anatomy”
10:00 p.m. “Big Shots” (new drama series)
FRIDAY:
8:00 p.m. “MEN IN TREES”
9:00 p.m. “Women’s Murder Club” (new drama series)
10:00 p.m. “20/20”
SATURDAY: 8:00 p.m. “Saturday Night College Football”
SUNDAY:
7:00 p.m. “America’s Funniest Home Videos”
8:00 p.m. “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition”
9:00 p.m. “Desperate Housewives”
10:00 p.m. “Brothers & Sisters”
