2002 American Film Market Report

From the website of the American Film Market:

“The business of motion picture production and distribution – a truly collaborative process – reaches its peak every year at the American Film Market. For eight days, the AFM is the epicenter of the film industry. With over 300 motion picture companies and 7,000 film executives, the AFM assembles the largest gathering of the industry’s most influential leaders. Acquisition and development execs, producers, distributors, agents, attorneys, buyers and film financiers convene to pursue the business of film. Hundreds of films are financed, packaged, licensed, and greenlit, sealing over half a billion dollars in business for both completed films and those in preproduction.”

The AFM is a trade show for independent companies hoping to sell the rights to films they have made or plan to make or have acquired to the rights to. These range from foreign films to the sort of cheesy flicks that magically appear on the shelves of your local video store every week. The major studios aren’t much of a presence here. After all, they themselves distribute the films they produce. However, they might appear as consumers, looking for titles for their home video divisions to release.

Some of the films mentioned below have already shown up on video/DVD or cable television. So you might wonder why they are being hawked at this year’s event. Here’s the deal. Usually some rights have been pre-sold to finance the making of the film. However, if the video rights have already been sold, there are foreign territory rights, home and theatrical; broadcast and cable rights – hey, Cinemax and USA Network get their movies somewhere – and so on. Also, completed films may be shown to help raise funding for future projects. Garish mock-up poster art will be displayed, as companies attempt to lure in dollars that might help one of their prospective films come into being.

Every year Variety, the bible of show business, assembles a special issue listing what particular films the hundreds of attending companies will be pushing. I’ve scanned this year’s issue, a supplement to the February 18^th issue of Weekly Variety. Below are what I considered to be items of special note. Most of the films mentioned below are either in post-production or were actually ready to be screened at the event. This year’s AFM took place from Feb. 20-27^th in Santa Monica, CA.

The following capsules list the production company, the title(s) of their wares and any stars of special interest. The plot descriptions are taken directly from the Variety listings, and were presumably provided by the companies themselves. Typos and all. Notice particularly the inability of so many to master the use of the simple comma. Following these descriptions are whatever comments I have to make.

Keep an eye out. Sooner or later, most (if not all) of these movies will pop up somewhere.

Slash: [starring Steve Railsback] “A teen rock band gets stuck on a haunted farm visiting the lead singer’s family.” Why would a haunted farm visit the lead singer’s family? Got me. Still, you have to love anyone willing to remake Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare.

Guns, Money & Homecooking: “Four young men are forced to hide from the police and a furious villain in a lighthouse occupied by an eccentric granny, after they rob the local bank.” It’s a comedy.

Maximum Justice: [starring Timothy “The Sea Serpent” Bottoms, Scott Valentine] “McQuade poses as the leader of a feared biker gang to infiltrate the mob-controlled L.A. Harbor, but he is betrayed and left for dead and must regain strength to take revenge.” Uh…Scott Valentine?! By the way, dude, where’s My Demon Lover II? How long must we wait?!

ALPHA FILM GROUP:

Vicious: [starring Tom Savini, Brinke Stevens] “A normal camping trip become a fight for survival for four friends when they encounter a mysterious stranger.” Man, imagine if it hadn’t been a normal camping trip!

Paranoid: “A group of high school seniors put on a haunted house to raise money for a senior trip however,

Stage Ghost: “The stagecoach pulls in on schedule, but without the driver and passengers and with a mysterious message delivered to the station door.” You know, they can never make enough Western/horror movie hybrids. It’s the sub-genre that always delivers.

ALPINE PICTURES:

Beware of the Succubi: “Two beautiful succubi terrorize a small town.” Damn those beautiful succubi! The ugly ones are so much easier to ignore.

AMERICAN CINEMA INTL:

Flying Virus: [starring Gabrielle Anwar, Craig Sheffer, Rutger Hauer, David Naughton.] “A top-secret experiment in biological warfare becomes public knowledge at 35,000 feet above ground and now a journalist tries to stay one step ahead of the powerful forces behind a new breed of killer bees and save the lives of a plane full of passengers.” What, that old plot again? With this completed in 2001, Mr. Hauer has four films listed as being in production for this year.

Windfall: [starring Casper Van Dien, Robert Englund] “A con artist and his right-hand man turn a new leaf in an effort to outwit a thief and survive both man and nature’s fury.” After seeing the lead actors’ amazing chemistry together in Python, who would even consider splitting them up? Right?

Phase IV: [starring Dean Cain and Brian Bosworth.] “Four students die in mysterious unrelated accidents and the only connection that they were all participants in an experimental drug program.” Yes, that description is verbatim. Still, I’m glad that Cain and Bosworth finally found that project together they’ve been looking for. Despite the title, this apparently has nothing to do with 1973’s metaphysical killer ant movie of the same name.

AMERICAN WORLD PICTURES:

The Wisher: “All the wishes Jamie makes come true in horrible ways and her friends and family meet horrific deaths; now she must discover if the wisher legend is true before it’s too late.” Great Jabootu…now they’re ripping-off the Wishmaster movies?! It’s now officially the end of civilization. Or maybe not. This is listed as being in ‘pre-production,’ and so most probably will never come to light. There, that’s my wish.

AMSELL ENTERTAINMENT:

(See if you can detect a pattern here.)

Harry and the Wizard: [starring Tom Baker] “A boy with an unusual hobby of magic, meets a real wizard and learns that not all tricks are illusions and the real secret of magic is in the heart.” Presumably Baker snagged the role due to his impressive three-minute appearance as a really fat elf in Dungeons & Dragons. Listed as being in-production.

Legend of the Rings: [starring Tom Baker, Linnea Quigley] “In the forrest

ATMOSPHERE ENTERTAINMENT:

Blood Type: [starring Jim Hanks, who’s the brother of somebody you might have heard of] “During a police car chase, a fleeing thief lands several people in an emergency room where they join forces against an unknown assailant.” Either the guy who wrote that synopsis was drunk, or I am. Oh, and the film’s a comedy.

CINE EXCEL ENTERTAINMENT:

Gi-Ants: “Giant killer ants invade the city of New York.” Watch out Them! This one’s listed in the guide as being in pre-production, meaning that the odds of it actually being filmed are slight. Witty title, though. The company’s website (http://www.cineexcel.com) does list the picture as actually being “in production,” and there’s a goofy poster of a big cartoon ant attacking a decapitated Statue of Liberty (!). Let’s keep our fingers crossed.

CINETEL FILMS:

Scorcher: [starring John Rhys-Davies, Rutger Hauer] “After nuclear blasts throw the Earth off its orbital axis, scientists discover that the only way to counteract the orbital shift is to detonate another nuke under Los Angeles.” What a stroke of luck! Talk about killing two birds with one stone. However, didn’t Val Guest make this movie about forty years ago?

They Crawl: [starring Mickey Rourke, Tone Loc] “After his brother is killed by an apparent serial killer, an Army ranger tries to unravel the mystery and soon discovers that the killer who is terrorizing the city isn’t human but a rampaging pack of genetically mutated superroaches that are out for blood.” It doesn’t spell it out, but I’m assuming Rourke plays the roaches.

CREATIVE LIGHT WORLDWIDE:

Trigon: The Legend of Pelgidium: [starring Denise Crosby, Angus Scrimm.] “An isolated town in the old West is visited by two supernatural entities that are locked in an ancient battle of good vs. evil.” Hey, Denise, how’s the career going?

CRYSTAL SKY:

Unleashed: [starring Jon Voight, Chevy Chase, Pat Morita] “A detective and the world’s only talking karate-kicking dog must team up in order to solve the murder of the dog’s master.” Kill me. Please. It’s funny how many of the ‘horror movies’ mentioned here are comical, and how many of the ‘comedies’ are horrifying. By the way, Chevy provides the voice of Cho-Cho, presumably the aforementioned dog. Here’s the thing: Chase has been down this road before. In 1980’s Oh, Heavenly Dog, he played a detective who gets killed and can only come back to Earth to solve the crime in the body of Benji the dog. Hey, look…Here Comes Mr. Jordan, and he’s looking to kick someone’s ass.

Superbabies: Baby Geniuses II: [starring Jon Voight, Scott Baio.] “Talking toddlers seek the help of a suave superbaby to stop an evil villain’s quest for world domination.” Good grief, Jon Voight, what the hell’s happening to you? By the way, I’ve conferred with Jabootu and he wants it understood that he’s got nothing to do with the last couple movies.

CURB ENTERTAINMENT:

The Untold: [starring Lance Henriksen] “A team of experts sets out to search the remote forests of the Pacific Northwest for a lost company plane carrying a valuable DNA testing machine.” Apparently this is some sort of Big Foot movie, and based on a “true story.” Hey, if Lance Henriksen’s in it it’s at least worth a rental. Still, could somebody please get this guy a decent gig?

DOMINION ENTERTAINMENT:

Redemption: [starring Don “the Dragon” Wilson, Chris Penn, Cynthia Rothrock] “A bank robbery forces an ex-cop to choose the path of greed and evil or redemption.” Was this cast cryogenically frozen for fifteen years prior to the making of this film?

The Back Lot Murders: [starring Corey Haim, Priscilla Barnes] “During the shooting of a rock video on a studio backlot a series of gruesome murders take place.” The only way I’d see this is if Corey Haim ends up horribly murdered. In the movie, I mean. Really. Ooh, and then he could appear as the victim’s twin brother, and get horribly murdered again. Hey, remember how I noted that Haim’s Prayer of the Rollerboys seemed stuck in the mid-‘80s even though it was made in 1991? Check the above plot description again: The characters in this one are filming a rock video. By the way, who did Priscilla Barnes piss off?

Point Doom: [starring Richard Grieco, Ice T, Angie Everhart] “A Hollywood talent agent falls into a love triangle with a woman who thrusts him into the world of strip clubs, drugs and deadly motorcycle gangs.” Oh, that world. Paging Chris Magyar!!

Gangland: [starring Costas Mandylor, Kathleen Kinmont] “In 2005 three heroes battle to free a scientist in a plague-ridden post-apocalyptic city controlled by an evil gang and ruled by the malevolent Lucifer.” Poor Kathleen. She gets divorced from Lorenzo Lamas and ends up working with an even more inexpressive leading man. Mandylor makes Michael Pare look like Jim Carrey.

ECLIPSE RELEASING:

Ancient Warriors: [starring OOT Baldwins, Richard Lynch] “A retired military unit reunites to battle an evil crime lord hiding in a maze of abandoned mines also occupied by the spirits of ancient warriors.” Is this what Richard Lynch has come to? Appearing in films with a Baldwin?

Double Cross: [starring Frank Stallone] “Six years after top-secret agent Costa single-handedly stopped an arms deal aimed at leveling Southern California, deception and revenge follow him back to his home halfway around the world.” I have no idea what that means, but if it’s good enough for Frank Stallone, it’s good enough for me.

ENTERTAINMENT 7:

I Know What You Did Last Winter: “The adventures of five teenagers who enter an extreme snowboarding competition that goes out of control when a murderer is on the loose.” By the way, this is listed as a horror movie, not a comedy. Apparently there’s also lots of snow boardin’ action on display. Take that, Jennifer Love Hewitt!

FRIES FILM:

Alien Agent: [Starring Dolph Lundgren – I was wondering when he was going to show up] “A lawman from another galaxy must stop an invading force from building a gateway between the two worlds.”

FUSION INTL:

Rent Control: [starring Melissa Joan Hart, Carmen Electra] “Desperate to keep a rent-controlled apartment in New York City, a young couple must pretend their dead aunt it still alive.” Sweet Jabootu, it’s “Renting With Bernie”!

Megalodon: “Scientists aboard an oil exploration submersible encounter the direct ancestor of the great white shark, supposedly extinct for 50 million years.” OK, I know there’s a really good chance this is gonna suck, but I’ve still got to see it.  A trailer, featuring a lot of CGI work, is available here:

 http://www.360entertainment.com/megalodon.htm

Personally, I thought it looked better than, well, my worst fears (i.e., Octopus), and if they can keep from beating the BIG ENVIRONMENTAL MESSAGE drum too loudly (admittedly, a big ‘if’), this might work pretty well. Still, I really wish filmmakers would relearn the whole ‘subtext’ idea.  In the ’50s, radiation was what made bugs big, and they let it go at that.  In other words, more shark, less ‘social relevance.’  (At least the shark here won’t be a military bioweapon experiment.) 

INTL FILM:

Sabretooth: [starring David Keith, John Rhys-Davies] “A scientist gene splices DNA from a sabertoothed tiger with a modern-day mountain lion and the results are terrifying.” Those scientists! They’re always up to somethin’. Of course, that’s what they do.

Beneath Loch Ness: [starring Patrick Bergen, Lysette Anthony] “A team of paleontologist

MORGAN CREEK ITNL:

“The Prequel to The Exorcist“: [starring Liam Neeson] “Traces the story of Father Merrin back to his first encounter with the Devil in post-WWII Africa.” An Exorcist prequel? Directed by John Frankenheimer? Paging Jabootu!!

NEW CANNON:

Death Game: No plot description, but it’s produced by Menahem Golan and stars Sean Young. And that’s good enough for me.

NEW CONCORDE INTL:

Shakedown: [starring Ron Perlman, Erika Eleniak, Fred Dryer] “In the epicenter of a devastating Los Angeles earthquake, terrorists and bank robbers battle over a deadly supervirus.” OK…why the hell would bank robbers be after a “deadly supervirus”? Am I missing something here?

NU IMAGE/MILLENIUM FILMS:

Hard Cash: [starring Christian Slater, Val Kilmer, Daryl Hannah] “Infamous thief Taylor and his new crew pull off a brilliant robbery of an off-track betting parlor, but they become embroiled with a corrupt FBI agent when they discover the money was marked.” Good grief, when did Val Kilmer end up playing second banana to Christian Slater?! (Well, OK, during True Romance, I guess. Still, this is what happens when you mess around with that sort of thing!)

OMEGA ENTERTAINMENT:

.com for Murder: [starring Nastassja Kinski, Nicolette Sheridan, Roger Daltrey] “From the underbelly of the Internet, a poetic killer hunts his unsuspecting victim for a frightening, terrifying night of murder.” If Quinn Martin were still around doing TV shows, that title would be the name of an episode on one of them. “Tonight on Barnaby Jones the Next Generation: “Dot-Com….for Murder!“

PATHE INTL. U.K.

Those sophisticated Brits:

Thunderpants: “Comedy about a young boy of seemingly no talent, who has an amazing ability to break wind.” Churchill would be proud.

Nurses Do It Better: [Complete plot description] “The nurse’s station has been attacked. Comedy.” What, that old story?

Role of a Lifetime: [Starring Scott Bakula.] “A has-been actor drops from public view and is presumed dead and when Hollywood decides to make a movie about his life, he decides to make a comeback by assuming another identity.” Hey, Scott, that Enterprise gig’s looking better all the time, isn’t it? Oh, by the way, nobody involved with this film has ever even seen Eddie and the Cruisers.

Bloody Sunday: “On the

Angel For May: “A strange experience in time travel has a magical effect…” Darn it, when are they going to make more movies about slice-of-life, normal experiences in time travel?

The descriptions of the four movies they’re selling are pretty generic, but the casts include such actors as David Caruso, Thomas Ian Griffith, Armand “Prophecy” Assante, Angela Featherstone (in two of the movies!), Dina “Bats” Meyer, Lou Diamond “Bats” Phillips, Robert Forster, James Belushi and Jason Bateman. Apparently Promark just drives a flatbed truck to the Beverly Hills welfare branch office and picks up any actors standing on the corner hoping for work.

The Barber: [Starring Malcolm McDowell.] “Through the eyes of a serial killer, we discover a chilling layer to a once-weary town whose only concern was once to survive a winter, but now with only surviving.” Apparently translated into Japanese and then back into English.

Queen’s Messenger 2: “The queen’s

Ripper: Letter from Hell: “It has been over a century since the killing rampage of Jack the Ripper and a young psychology student and her friends will soon discover that this is a history they won’t want to repeat.” Hmm. Frankly, that’s not the sort of fact I’d expect people would have to ‘discover.’ Other histories they will perhaps discover they don’t want to repeat: The fire-bombing of Dresden. The Black Plague. NBC’s “Must She” TV line-up….

The Operative: [Starring Brian Bosworth.] “An ex-CIA agent is blackmailed into performing a bank heist in order to rescue his former lover, who was abducted 10 years earlier by the KGB.” You see, that’s why the Soviet Union lost the Cold War. When our side kidnaps a lover for blackmail purposes, we wait six, seven years tops to use them.

Silence: [Starring Bruce Boxlieitner, Kristy Swanson.] “A little girl witnesses a murder and is quickly surrounded by a group of law enforcement professionals and a beautiful child psychologist.” Some people have all the luck. When I witnessed a murder as a kid, all I got were a couple of law enforcement amateurs and an ugly child psychologist. And believe me, it was anything but quick before I was surrounded by them.

Quicksand: [Starring Michael Dudikoff, Dan Hedaya.] “A Marine general dies and his daughter and a Marine psychiatrist become the target of a shadowy and lethal conspiracy whose tentacles stretch all the way to the Pentagon.” Personally, I’m more worried about the conspiracy to have Michael Dudikoff still making movies.

SCALA PRODS.

Leopold Bloom: [Starring Joseph Fiennes, Elisabeth Shue, Sam Shepard.] Complete plot description: “Highly original drama, set in Mississippi, with a powerful twist.” Hey, if you’re going to blow the whole story, why should I see the movie?

Automatic: [Starring Olivier Gruner, John Glover.] “A man-machine security guard, defender and handy man is invented, and just when the announcement of this great achievement is about to be made the marketing director is killed by a prototype.” Is it a rule that you have to be totally stoned when writing these plot breakdowns?

READERS RESPOND:  The learned Greywizard, of The Unknown Movies site at Stomp Tokyo’s Bad Movie Planet, reveals that:

“Automatic has in fact been out for several years now. Though it stars Olivier Gruner, it’s actually not a bad little B movie. Needless to say, that garbled description doesn’t quite match with what actually happens in the movie.”

Indeed, as its IMDB listing shows, the film came out in 1994 (!).  Presumably Screen Media recently acquired the rights to it and is attempting to re-peddle the film. 

SHADOW ENTERTAINMENT

Trancers 6: [Starring Zepte Sullivan, Capo, Robert Donovan.] “Jack returns to save the life of the daughter he never knew he had two centuries before.” Let me get this straight: They decided to make a Trancers movie without Tim Thomerson?!

Hell Asylum: “The ultimate reality television show, “Chill Challenge,” send

Dead and Rotting: [Starring Tom Hoover and Debbie Rochon.] “Three prankster buddies release the wrath of an old witch, Abigale, when they unwittingly become accomplices in the murder of her son.” “…release the wrath”? There’s some good writing. By the way, I mentioned star Tom Hoover because I heard he sucks. Get it?! Yep, that’s the kind of Grade-A Komedy Gold that has millions of people calling this the funniest Internet site in the world.

Crypts: “After sneaking into a strip club, two young men discover that the strippers in the club are blood-thirsty vampires who feed on their sex-starved patrons.” What, do they get their clients to marry them? Ha! My little joke. By the way, isn’t the clause “in the club” sort of redundant? I mean, if I said “After sneaking into a strip club, two young men discover that the strippers are blood-thirsty vampires…”, wouldn’t you get that the strippers were, in fact, the ones found in the aforementioned club? And aren’t all vampires “blood-thirsty”? Isn’t that the whole vampire ‘thing’? Actually, the most important thing to mention is that the cast list includes one “Choice Skinner.” Which means that the next actor named ‘Choice Skinner’ will probably have to do that middle name thing, as in “Starring Choice Paul Skinner.”

Tail Sting: “A crate of genetically created scorpionlike creatures breaks in the cargo hold of an airplane, crippling the aircraft as it limps blindly in autopilot over the icy Atlantic.” I hope this isn’t the same plane with the killer bees on it from Flying Virus, or those passengers will really have their work cut out for them.

In the Shadow of the Cobra: [starring Sean Young, Rutger Hauer] “One woman embarks on the chase of a lifetime in the pursuit of a rare and ancient artifact that caused the death of her archaeologist husband.” How timely, a Raiders of the Lost Ark rip-off. (By the way, why “one” woman instead of “a” woman?)

Deranged: [starring JoBeth Williams, Sally Kirkland, Leo Rossi] “An eccentric psychiatrist aiming to be in the spotlight is not willing to let anyone or anything get in her way, but when people start to get hurt she must manipulate everyone so that she can come up smelling like a rose.” Huh? That description smells like something, alright, but it ain’t no rose. By the way, is there a quota stating that at least a third of the films this year must feature characters who are psychiatrists or psychologists? Where are the marine biologists, for Pete’s sake?

Angels Don’t Sleep Here: [starring Roy Scheider, Robert Patrick] “A forensic scientist is accused of murdered and manipulated into a web of deceit and betrayal as his thought-to-be-dead twin brother plots revenge.” Is it even legal anymore to write script featuring thought-to-be-dead twin brothers? Cripes. And really, doesn’t it make you cry to think of actors like Scheider and Patrick appearing in this sort of garbage? Meanwhile, Freddie Prince Jr., makes like eighteen movies a year.

Psychotic: [starring Sam Jones, Kathleen Kinmont, Joe Estavez] “A relentless detective tries to stop a homicidal serial killer who preys on young women.” Probably right after they have sex or take a shower, too. And a “homicidal” serial killer? That’s the worst kind! And look at that cast. Each and every one of them worth the extra fifty bucks.

Knight Chills: “A haunting story about the ever-controversial role-playing game Dungeons & Dragons.” “Ever-controversial”? The only long-running D&D controversy is whether aficionados should more properly be referred to as ‘geeks’ or ‘dweebs’. By the way, isn’t “Dungeons & Dragons” copyrighted? Of course, after the official Dungeons & Dragons movie, what do they have to lose?

Flesh Hunters: “A deputy and his prisoner take a wrong turn into an alien-infested landscape.” It’s official: Pitch Black made enough money to be ripped-off by companies like Spectrum Films.

Penis Envy: “Be careful what you ask for, what happens when a woman gets a penis for 48 hours.” Uh, that’s not really a sentence. And to really make the movie work, shouldn’t the woman get a talking penis? Oh, it’s a comedy, by the way. In case you were wondering.

The Courier: “A mysterious figure who operates in the criminal underworld as The Courier, is contracted to deliver a package to a notorious crime boss in order to discover whether or not he can be traced.” You know, after reading a couple of hundred of these plot descriptions you begin questioning your sanity. Still, I can’t wait for the inevitable film where The Courier faces off against the Queen’s Messenger. That’ll be awesome!

On the Nose: [starring Dan Ackroyd, Robbie Coltrane] “A college porter makes an amazing discovery – a preserved head with an uncanny knack for picking the winning horse.” Showing this week in the Hell Multiplex. By the way, is Robbie Coltrane so hard up for gigs that he’s appearing in Dan Ackroyd movies?

In Like Flynn: “A mechanic and his unemployable best friend discover that other people believe there is more to life than toolboxes and country music, with disastrous results.” Once more – what the hell does that sentence mean?! Also, why are so many of movies about people “discovering” things?

Visitors: “A yachtswoman is “visited” by strange worldly beings, but are they psychological projections of her inner fears or parapsychological creatures?” Shouldn’t that be “one” yachtswoman? Also, I thinking of sponsoring a contest as to whether anyone can explain what the plot synopsis means. I’ll let you know.

If the company sounds familiar, they’re the folks who made Python, amongst others. There are no cast listings or much of any info past plot descriptions for the following, meaning, sadly, that they quite possibly will never by made. However, the company’s website does indicate that Python 2 is currently in production.

Tempest: “A fiery comet has blocked the sun’s rays and the Earth’s clouded and frozen atmosphere has become a battle field for a band of outlaws who want control of the satellite that will cut a hole in the atmosphere and let in the sun.”

Torus: “The Torus has activated and starts to strip away huge pieces of the Earth, terraforming the land and paving the way for a future genetic race; now two scientists must stop it before civilization is destroyed and lost forever.” I’m sorry, I wasn’t paying attention. What’s a ‘future genetic race’ again? And, strictly speaking, doesn’t ‘terra’forming mean to make like Earth?

Deep Strike: “Radioactive testing and chemical experiments have polluted the waters and infected the fiercest predators of the sea and they grow into massive dinosaur-sized beasts; now a scientist with a plan must fight the sharks and bring man and beast back into coexistence.” Oh, boy, another giant shark movie! Please make this film!! By the way, I’m glad the sharks are being fought by a scientist “with a plan.” That’s the best kind.

Well, that about sums up this year’s wares.  Keep an eye out for at least half of these to be hitting the video shelves in the upcoming year.