Some scripts just won’t die…

Updated on January 4, 2010 By Ken Begg 11 Comments

Saw a commercial last night for a Dwayne Johnson movie (I had the sound on the TV off), which of course I was unaware of, because who tracks Dwayne Johnson movies?  However, he was wearing wings, and at first I was like “is he playing an angel.”

Then the nickel dropped, and sure enough, when the title flashed it was Tooth Fairy.

Tooth Fairy is one of those scripts that have been bouncing around Hollywood for decades.  Way back in the day, back when Arnold was a popular movie star, this was constantly ‘the next movie he’ll make’ (as was Last Man on Earth, aka I Am Legend, before it eventually morphed into that Will Smith flick).  The comedy of the idea was that huge macho Arnold would be playing a tooth fairy, in the same was that the idea of Twins was that Arnold’s brother was lumpy little Danny DeVito.

Making a movie is actually kind of a miracle; so many things have to come together.  It’s not vastly unusual for a project to float around seemingly forever, transitioning from one supposed star and director to the next in the chain. Characters like Batman and Spider-Man (James Cameron worked on the idea for a good long while, with–yes–Arnold meant to play Doc Ock) got mulled over for years and years before finally hitting the big screen.

Creature of the Black Lagoon is another film like that; it was supposedly something John Carpenter was going to make back in the ’80s, and now Universal is again  giving it a big push.  However, if Wolf Man and maybe even Piranha don’t make money, look for such plans to fall apart again.  That’s why the giant shark flick Meg never got made; it was pegged at different points to both of the Godzilla and King King remakes, and when those films underperformed, the plans dropped both times.

Anyway, I was just kidding in the title of this piece.  You can kill a script, if you’re ruthless enough.

Sometimes you just have to make it into a Dwayne Johnson movie.

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  • David Fullam

    The Creature project was around for a long time. Johan Landis was going to do it, then Jack Arnold, then Carpenter. Lord knows who else. The Jack Arnold remake was just about a go, then they decided on Jaws 3-D instead according to David Schow.

    Maybe Dwayne should rethink his wrestling career?

  • BeckoningChasm

    I seem to remember one of the Tim Allen Santa Clause movies had a Legion of Seasonal Heroes council or something like that, and one was the Tooth Fairy. Again, memory failing, he was some big macho guy who was uncomfortable with the “tooth fairy” label until a different name was proposed. And my memory runs out at what that alternate name might have been.

  • Rock Baker

    I can’t remember what issue it was, but Filmfax did a great Creature-themed issue (it may’ve even been double size) that included a study of the various remake scripts. Everyone who is a gillman fan, even by the very finest measure, should be thankful none of these turkeys ever made it into production. The one did bear a VERY close resemblance to Jaws 3-D, but managed to be even MORE goofy. Did you know the gillman can control sea life just like Aquaman?

  • I saw the same commercial, and I really think you hit the nail on the head, Ken. I think Dwayne Johnson’s brief appearance on Family Guy had something to do with promoting the Tooth Fairy movie. (Though to be fair, I laughed out loud at his Family Guy cameo.)

    You said “Making a movie is actually kind of a miracle”, to which I say AMEN, having made one myself (two hours long and animated, at that). It took me almost four years and nearly destroyed my life. I’m not on Wikipedia like Lord Sandy of Doom, but I am on IMDb if you look (not to toot my own honker). My movie is not yet well-known, largely due to its unrated status, underground (read: gratuitously vulgar, and not necessarily to Mr. Begg’s tastes) sensibilities, and my own dearth of promotional funds. But it’s a real movie, it’s been shown in a theatre and everything, and I’m on th’ IMDb with all the people towards whom I can barely restrain my contempt!

    Happy new decade Ken and Co.!

  • Foywonder

    Even more inexplicable than The Rock running around in wings and a pink tutu as a tooth fairy is the notion that his character starts out as an NHL player. How many half-black/half-Samoan guys do you see on the NHL ice? Be like casting him as a NASCAR driver.

  • PB210

    “Creature of the Black Lagoon is another film like that; it was supposedly something John Carpenter was going to make back in the ’80s, and now Universal is again giving it a big push”.

    Universal did that Dracula remake with Langella 48 years after the Lugosi film. Apparently, that did not do well enough to merit a sequel or remakes of other Universal films of the 1930’s and 1940’s. Of course, Dracula had fallen into the public domain by 1979, so Universal had less incentive to make a Dracula film since anyone could.

    However, Universal exclusively owns the Mummy, the Wolfman, and the CFBL, who did not derive from now public domain works of literature or plays the way, for example, the Frankenstein Monster does. The Mummy and Wolfman came out about 70 years after the original films. So, since the original CFBL arrived in the 1950’s, perhaps we should expect it in the 2020’s?

  • PB210

    Perhaps on the list of biggest poster children for false starts, derailed development, and frustration in realizing a film project: Mack Bolan, the Executioner.

    Mack Bolan just passed its fortieth anniversary in 2009, and survived all that time, appearing in at least one, often three novels a month-but still no movie.

    Let me put this in perspective-in another ten years, Mack Bolan will have debuted fifty years ago. When Superman turned forty, Christopher Reeve played him in a film, when Spider-Man turned forty, Tobey Maguire played him, when Iron Man turned forty-five, Robert Downey, Jr. played him, and when Batman turned fifty, Micheal Keaton played him.

    Mack Bolan? Nobody played the Executioner in a film all this time, and with the current trend against theatrically released R-rated adventure films (Seagal, Van Damme, et al. have to content themselves with straight to DVD in the US), I seriously doubt that this property will turn into a film soon.

    Farmhouse Films of Roslindale, Ma has announced a film version of the Penetrator, another Pinnacle series, but do not expect an unironic version.

  • Marsden

    I seem to remember one of the Tim Allen Santa Clause movies had a Legion of Seasonal Heroes council or something like that, and one was the Tooth Fairy. Again, memory failing, he was some big macho guy who was uncomfortable with the “tooth fairy” label until a different name was proposed. And my memory runs out at what that alternate name might have been.

    BeckoningChasm said this on January 4th, 2010 at 11:55 am

    Santa suggested “Molinator”, I can’t remember the names the fairy himself suggested. As soon as I saw the poster and trailer (same dsy) I thought of that scene immediately.

  • Ericb

    Johnson should star in a remake of The Rock.

  • PB210

    John Carter of Mars spent quite some time in development (if the film arrives in theaters in 2012, it will mark the 100th anniversary of the novel), but the move away from topical, R-rated films will benefit, as will improved technology. Same with Lensmen.

  • Grumpy

    Does this mean that Vin Diesel is the Jean-Claude Van Damme to Dwayne Johnson’s Steven Seagal?