Hello, Sci-Fi Channel! Drop Bears!

Updated on March 13, 2009 By Ken Begg 27 Comments

I will never stop raising the issue until the Sci-Fi Channel gives us the killer drop bear movie we demand.  From Wikipedia:

“A drop bear (or dropbear) is a fictional Australian marsupial said to be related to the koala.

Drop bears are commonly said to be unusually large, vicious, carnivorous koalas that inhabit treetops and attack their prey by dropping onto their heads from above. They are an example of local lore intended to frighten and confuse outsiders, and amuse locals, similar to the jackalope, hoop snake, wild haggis or snipe.”

C’mon, the damn script writes itself.  Which seems to be the main criteria for a Sci-Fi Channel movie, now that I think about it.

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  • BeckoningChasm

    I think if the movie was called “Ice Dropbears” Sci-Fi would have already made it (and at least one sequel).

  • Ericb

    They can be genetically engineered by the Australian military.

  • The sequel could be “Dropbear Versus Python”?

  • John M. Hanna

    Wait a minute. Sci-Fi Channel hasn’t done movies about jackalopes, hoop snakes, wild haggi, or snipes? C’mon Sci-Fi! Get on the ball! Theres tons of third rate actors and crummy CGI animators in need of work.

  • Meanwhile, the spineless mayor, under the thrall of an evil American real estate developer, refuses to shut down Sunny Vale’s Arbor Day festival…

  • Adam Lakeman

    And only a brave Australian scientist, who speaks with an American accent for no apparent reason, working in cohort with his beautiful ex-girlfriend whom he still has feelings for, can persuade the townspeople to seek shelter before…THEY DROP!

  • Foywonder

    And the whole thing will be filmed on location in Romania.

    Corin Nemec, Kevin Sorbo, and Carol Alt star in the Sci-Fi Channel original movie DROPBEAR: KOALA KARNAGE.

  • fish eye no miko

    John M. Hanna said: “Wait a minute. Sci-Fi Channel hasn’t done movies about jackalopes”:

    “Blood on the Antlers: The Jackalope Terror”!

  • Laparka2

    “Wait a second. You took my research into Local Folklore and turned it into a Weapon For The Military? How could you?”

  • Jimmy

    Wow. Me and a friend of mine having been joking for years about making a horror movie about drop bears with cheesy tag lines like ‘Guess who’s dropping in for a bite to eat’ or ‘these aren’t no Koala bears’ Our favoured plot involved an obsessive crytozoologist turned outback tour guide leading a group of stereotypical tourists into a prehistoric lost valley type location in the outback infested with dropbears. There has to be a scene where a sceptical authority figure proclaims something like’ I’m telling you there are no dropbears!’ before getting dropped on.

  • John M. Hanna

    Fish eye no miko:
    “Blood On The Antlers: The Jackalope Terror”?

    Well, I bet they haven’t made a movie about killer dining room tables or zombie sloths.

  • Petoht

    Zombie sloths! Awesome.

    “Look out! It’s right behind you! At this rate it’ll slowly chew your face off in about a week or so!”

  • lyz

    “They were supposed to be fictional, but then….THEY DROPPED.”

    That Wikipedia entry is shamefully incomplete, inasmuch as it fails to mention the drop bear’s clear preference for American victims.

  • joliet jake blues

    Of course, end of the movie would need a deus ex machina of the Drop Bears being poisoned by vegemite sandwiches, and the survivros using the contents of their last jar of vegemite to wipe out the drop bear colony…but somehow leaving a nest of young (although how do do this with Koala is interesting, since they carry young in a pouch at first, and then on their back).

    Bundaberg Rum did a great add about dropbears some years ago.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ULEQpUY_crc

    It helps to understand that the bear is the Bundy Rum mascot, and has starred in a wide range of ads.

  • KeithB

    “No Drop bears were harmed during the production of this film.”

  • Jim R.

    Foywonder: Corin Nemec, Kevin Sorbo, and Carol Alt star in the Sci-Fi Channel original movie DROPBEAR: KOALA KARNAGE.

    Corin Nemec AND Kevin Sorbo? You think they’re made of money?

    Love the title, though.

  • Foywonder

    Ken, I’m afraid you need to amend this post’s title to “Hello, Syfy! Drop Bears!”

    Name change is a’coming.

    http://foywonder.livejournal.com/158927.html

  • Ericb

    or “Hy Syfy! Drp Brs!”

  • JoshG

    My sister and I spent the last few days of spring break throwing stuffed koalas at each others’ heads and screaming drop-bear.

  • Misean

    Door opens, a man sits in a police like interrogation room, facing the camera, as a man enters and heads for an open chair, opposite the seated man, and asks:

    “So, you’re the fire man who saved the Koala, right?”

    “Yes.”

    Cut to youtubish like sceene of seated actor re-creating the Koala rescue.

    “That was Valentine’s day, wasn’t it?”

    “Yes…”

    Cut to giving the koala the water bottle.

    “You didn’t bleed on, or in drink from that bottle before or after giving it to the Koala, did you?”

    “Well, sure. What’s this all about mate?”

    Fade to black…

  • Marsden

    You know, you’re all going to hate yourselves in about a month and a half when all these ideas are in the actual movie. Are blog entries copyprotected? I don’t think so.

  • The Rev. D.D.

    JoshG–thanks for making me laugh so hard. After that rather morose post I just made over BMC, I needed it.

    I really wish I had some stuffed koalas now. Even though no one else in the house would know what the hell was going on, I would be howling with delight.

  • Sure, why not. Sci-fi, or (ahem) “SyFy” could make a whole miniseries about them, starring Stephen Baldwin and John Rhys-Davies… with the latter as the dropbear. Maybe a joint production with Asylum “Pictures”.

  • John Nowak

    Typically, when the subject of drop bears comes up, I like to point how the Germans who invaded Australia early in the First World War wore spiked helmets designed specifically to protect them against drop bears.

  • Write those helmets into the script!

  • joliet jake blues

    Oooh…zombie WWI german soldiers to the rescue then? Or is that overkill?

  • I’d been thinking about making a drop bear movie for a couple of years. the main problem has been my lack of experience making movies and inregards to the script, I’m not sure what to put between the set pieces I have in mind.
    I think my tagline would be something like ‘a bad place to be a tourist.’
    There wouldn’t necessarily have to be a ‘prehistoric lost valley’, just a piece of wilderness people don’t usually go to.