2009 Paramount Slate…

Updated on December 30, 2008 By Ken Begg 17 Comments

January 16, 2009
Defiance It’s Daniel Craig killing Nazis in this WWII flick.
Hotel for Dogs Kiddie flick that’s exactly what it sounds like.

January 30, 2009
The Uninvited Finally something new!  It’s an Americanized remake of an Asian horror ghost movie!  (I have to say, I was really hoping for a big budget remake of the killer cat movie.)

March 20, 2009
I Love You, Man Guy is chagrined to learn he has no male friends close enough to be the best man at his wedding.  Seriously, that’s the plot.

March 27, 2009
Monsters vs. Aliens Since Marvel is taking the summer off before roaring back in 2010 with Iron Man II and Thor, this is my official IF I COULD SEE ONLY ONE MOVIE movie.  Could it be as good as The Incredibles?  I have my fingers crossed.  Can’t wait to see this in 3-D.

April 24, 2009
The Soloist “An emotionally soaring drama about the redemptive power of music.”  It also features a homeless man.  Gaak.  A little early for Oscar-baiting, isn’t it?  Still, Robert Downey Jr. is on a roll right now.

May 8, 2009
Star Trek Gee, are they making another Star Trek movie?

June 12, 2009
Imagine That Eddie Murphy stars…ok, enough of that.

June 26, 2009
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen I actually kind of liked the first one, marginally.  Do I need to see a second one, though?  Not really.  Remember how the first Charlie’s Angels movie was kind of fun, but nobody went to see the second one?  Like that.  Although actually I’m sure lots of people will go see this, especially with fewer movies this year due to the former writers’ strike.

August 7, 2009
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra Man, this looks like it’s gonna suck.  I have a feeling they’re really going to lay off the “great American hero” part, too.  Directed by the guy who brought you Van Helsing.

August 14, 2009
Dance Flick A parody of dance flicks from the Wayans brood.  Thus certain to be less funny than actual dance flicks.  The main character is named Thomas Uncles.  Get it?

December 11, 2009
The Lovely Bones Peter Jackson directs this literary adaptation with mild fantasy tones.

4th Quarter 2009
She’s Out of My League Hey, people are going to rip off Judd Apatow.  Confused average guy gets totally hot girlfriend.  That’s pretty much the plot.
Shutter Island Oscar bait Martin Scorsese thriller starring Max Von Sydow.  Well, that’s cool.  Oh, also Leonardo DiCaprio.  Really?  Are people still interested in seeing him in movies?
Up In the Air George Clooney is a corporate hatchet man who ironically faces downsizing in this ‘comedy’ from the guy who made Juno.  Way to give it to The Man, genetically perfect decamillionaire George Clooney!  High five!

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  • TF2 should be fun. There are rumors of a 50 foot tall robot. Plus, the Fallen himself, which I’m VERY excited about.

  • I never watched Transformers (or GI Joe) as a kid, so that probably explains my lack of enthusiasm. Compare to my excitement over Marvel’s superhero movies, which do tie into my childhood.

  • David Fullam

    I hear that the Joes will now be an international unit. Will they change it to “A Real International Hero?”

  • Joe1

    As a kid in the 80’s, Transformers & GI Joe were my 2 favorite cartoons & I have no interest in watching TF2 or GI Joe The International Hero Movie. I hated all the awful attempts of “humor” & the Bay “Shaky Cam” & ADD editing in the action scenes in the 1st TF flick. To ripoff the South Park Indiana Jones episode, Bay raped the Transformers.

    To be fair to the GI Joe flick, the 90’s cartoons started using the “International Heroes” term. However, as Ken said “directed by the guy who brought you Van Helsing”. Nuff said.

  • Plissken79

    As a true child of the 1980s, I cannot wait to see both TF2 (the first Transformers film was near-perfect, for the type of film it was supposed to be) and GI Joe. The GI Joe film could very well stink, but Stephen Sommers has done some good films (The Mummy, Deep Rising), let’s see what it looks like when the trailer comes out

  • Joe1

    “Near-perfect, for the type of film it was supposed to be”. Well Plissken79, will just have to agree to disagree on that one. I also hated it because my favorite TF Starscream only had 1 line & Megatron was in it for what, 10 minutes(!).

    Of all the films on here, I’m only interested in is Star Trek. The trailer looks good & can hopefully reboot the franchsie just like Casino Royale did for James Bond.

  • “The GI Joe film could very well stink, but Stephen Sommers has done some good films (The Mummy, Deep Rising), let’s see what it looks like when the trailer comes out.”

    Or let’s not.

    The leader of GI Joe, Hawk, is now going to be a Hugh Hefner type surrounded by scantily clad women, Duke and Baroness it’ll turn out were engaged to be married at one point, and Cobra Commander is going to be a guy in his 20’s. And here’s a description by someone who has seen the teaser trailer set to air during the Super Bowl:

    “The trailer begins with some jets zooming by and dropping some bombs. Then we see Dennis Quaid as Hawk talking to members of a new elite fighting force he says has been put together to fight terrorism. We see a couple of terrorist attacks, some G.I. Joe guys dressed like Snake Eyes jumping out of a plane, and the Eiffel tower being toppled by what looks like some green ooze. Next we see some quick shots of a number of characters like Scarlett, Channing Tatum’s Duke on a motorcycle, Sienna Miller as the Baroness sliding down a staircase railing, and a quick shot of Snake Eyes and Stormshadow fighting. About the Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow fight…it looks about as bad as a fight from the “Double Dragon” movie from the early 90’s. Finally we get another quick editing job of some action sequences that go by really too quick to make anything out, and then finally there is this really lame sequence featuring some horrible CG work, as a couple of rockets are launched at some Joes dressed again to look like Snake Eyes. They do this dive / twirl through mid air where they some how avoid the rockets as they swirl by. The “G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra” title appears on screen followed by “Summer 2009.” In all the trailer was about a minute long. There was no footage of Destro, Zartan, or Cobra Commander.”

    I preferred this movie the first time I saw it when it was called Team America: World Police.

  • rockrocky77

    “Defiance” I rember seeing the first trailer before “There Will Be Blood” and that was almost 2 years ago now.

  • Plissken79

    let’s wait until WE see the trailer, not some unknown internet source. Sheesh, so many posters on internet threads are like ravenous Jackals ready to rip a film to shreads because of the director or cast. At least wait until it comes out! (Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Cobra Commander does concern me, however).

    And Joe1, just because I said Transformers was a perfect film for what it was supposed to be does mean it actually was a perfect film compared to say, The Dark Knight. The lack of screen time for most of the Decepticons was a problem, but hopefully it should be rectified for the sequel. And yes, Starscream is my favorite Transformer as well, but at least he got to do a few things, and he survived!

  • Petoht

    I guess the GI Joe question is if it’ll follow the comic book, the cartoon show, or the way the dude who wrote the comic wanted it to be.

    Remember, the comic and show were just vehicles to sell toys, so they had certain constraints on them. Apparently, though, the comic eventually took something of a dark turn when the author was no longer required to slavishly follow the toys. I believe that was when Medic was brutally gunned down in the trench, heh.

    Frankly, GI Joe has a lot of potential. Provided they can keep from wussifying it and making them some kind of blue-helmeted feel-good force.

  • “Sheesh, so many posters on internet threads are like ravenous Jackals ready to rip a film to shreads because of the director or cast.”

    A remake of CASABLANCA directed by Uwe Boll starring Verne Troyer and Carmen Electra featuring wire fu and a soundtrack by the reuniting Firehouse.

    Do you need to wait until the movie comes out to make assumptions?

  • fish eye no miko

    The Uninvited […] (I have to see, I was really hoping for a big budget remake of the killer cat movie.)

    Hee!
    There’s a 40’s ghost movie with the name as well. It’s quite good, actually.

    Imagine That Eddie Murphy stars…ok, enough of that.

    How about: Imagine that Eddie Murphy was actually in a good movie again!

    Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
    G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

    Unless the fandom buzz (I really don’t care about the critics when it comes to movies like this) is really bad, I plan to see these.

    No Friday 13? I know it’s a joint Paramount/New Line film…

  • Timo

    How is Shutter Island oscar bait? The novel is very pulpy. If I remember correctly Dennis Lehane said that he wrote it as a homage to the pulp b-films of the 50’s.

  • It’s Oscar bait because (author’s intentions for the novel aside) Lehane is one of Hollywood’s favorite ‘important’ writers since Eastwood’s Mystic Island. Toss in Scorsese and DiCaprio, both of whom pretty much define Oscar baiting in the modern age, and there you go. Even the time of year–end of year–screams Oscar bait.

  • itsmenotyou

    I heard Gi Joe will be some international “force” meaning the blue hats are coming. I wonder if they will be as corrupt as is normal for the UN. I am sure they will fight some nazi terrorists too. Or maybe they will be fighting Captain Planet’s foes to stop global warming.

  • Joe1

    Speaking of Team America, this would be the perfect intro to the GI JOE movie.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HeWnJVjYlQw

  • Joe11

    I saw the GI JOE Super Bowl teaser & Foywonder was dead right! The Eiffel Towel collasping & the Snake Eyes/Storm Shadow fights are cheesy as hell! At least Team America was meant to be a comedy. Foywonder, may I never doubt you again.

    Don’t be fooled by the TF2 teaser. The teasers & trailers for TF1 were great & then all we got were lame comedy bits & badily edited action scences. TF2: The Revenge of Michael Bay