Fall 2000 Movie Preview

The ‘80s and the early ‘90s were an interesting period for network television fans. The important shows were still appearing on only three, then ultimately four, networks. The slates of new programming each fall would simultaneously premiere during the same one or two-week period. However, the Big Three were starting to experience dwindling ratings for the first time, especially after Fox became an established network. So for the first time they began mass canceling shows that weren’t working, rather running them for the entire programming year. This led first to summer replacements, then to ‘mid-season’ replacements and then to the general anarchy known today.

The idea of fixed network ‘schedules’ is gone. New shows seem to premiere every week as ‘old’ ones expire, often after just two or three episodes. Meanwhile, returning shows like The X-Files might not begin broadcasting original episodes until months after the new series have hit the air. TV networks are now a real life version of Survivor, with shows bad and good being voted off the island. Meanwhile, those that manage to stay on the air another week dream of reaping a huge financial reward. In fact, hell, imagine what a great ‘reality’ TV series this would make. To see actors doing anything to secure a starring role on a show that then lasts only three episodes, what could have more pathos than that?

(Actually, journalist Peter Bart came close to this sort of thing when he wrote The Gross. The book examined the production histories and subsequent fate of 1998’s slate of summer films, including Godzilla and Armageddon. I had hoped that he would turn this into a running series, but I guess it didn’t do well enough. Fascinating book, though. For a more intimate autopsy, check out The Devil’s Candy. Here a writer was allowed unfettered access during the conception, filming and release of Brian De Palma’s Bonfire of the Vanities. She records in meticulous detail how that film went into the crapper. This is a must read for fans of films gone astray.)

Back, though, to the TV premiere season of yesteryear. The artifact that made the whole thing work was the annual massive Fall Preview issue of TV Guide. Before the Internet and omnipresent entertainment reporting, this was the bible for what was to shortly be offered us. The fun thing would be to look the shows over, fantasizing about all the potentially great TV soon to be offered us. (“Simon MacCorkindale can turn into a panther and he fights crime?! Cooool!“) Then, after reading and savoring the new preview issue, you’d look those from prior years. Here were pages assigned to each show, from back when the programs were fresh with promise rather than vaguely remembered victims of the inevitable train wreck that quickly followed. It was the modern analog to the man who whispered in Caesar’s ear as the crowds feted him, “Thou art mortal.”

These were my thoughts when the Fall Movie Preview issues of Premiere and Entertainment Weekly came out. These look at films due to come out between September and early December, when the ‘Christmas’ releases will kick off the Winter 2000 slate. Looking at the figurative sonograms of these upcoming films, all still dewy with promise as incredibly fun or serious or thoughtful or scary or mind-blowingly imaginative movies, I decided to see what looks good and what doesn’t. This should be fun to read in the spring, when our naÔve dreams have turned to dust.

Best in Show: Oh, boy! Saturday Night Live vet, Spinal Tap alum, real-life English Baron and husband of Baroness Jamie Leigh Curtis, Christopher Guest has a rather strange rÈsumÈ. Here he re-goes the Waiting for Guffman route, examining the incestuous high-stakes world of championship dog breeding shows. Guest works small but he works precise, and that’s what satire is all about.

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon If I could only see one movie this winter, this would be it. If I could see only one movie all year, it’d be Godzilla 2000, but then I’d sneak into this one. A Chinese period martial arts film, it stars Chow Yun-Fat and Michelle Yeoh and features reportedly fantastic fight choreography by The Matrix’s Yuen Wo-Ping. Moreover, director Ang Lee refuses to dub the film into English. Good for you, buddy. Let ‘em eat subtitles. The advance word from Cannes is extremely strong, although American distributor Sony Pictures Classics seems to be dicking around with what kind of release they’re going to give the film. They’re morons. Their investment is miniscule and this film could make zillions of dollars if they do their job right.

Meet the Parents involves a neurotic Ben Stiller (forgive the redundancy) spending a weekend meeting his girlfriend’s parents, including Robert DeNiro as an ex-CIA psychological profiler described as a “human lie-detector.” This could work or not, but the elements are there. Stiller is usually funny, always smart and here in a role that plays to his strengths, DeNiro is pretty easy to see in the role of the terrifying father and ‘Austin Powers’ director Jay Roach is shepherding things to the screen. Keeping my fingers crossed.

O Brother, Where Art Thou? The Coen Brothers and George Clooney do a riff on The Odyssey (typically, the brothers haven’t read the book, although they saw the ‘50s Kirk Douglas film adaptation), set in Depression-era Mississippi. Coen regular John Turturro is also on hand. Oh, and it’s got musical numbers, too. Advance word on this isn’t that great, but still, the Coens’ failures are more interesting then most people’s successes.

Pay It Forward is about a small boy whose class project miraculously inspires a national crusade to repay favors done you by then doing a favor for a stranger, who then… (Shades of the theology of Magnificent Obsession, if I understand it properly.) It’s based on a pretty well received novel, and is a drama more than a comedy. I’m high on this film because of its fantastic cast, which is always dangerous, but what the hell. Sixth Sense’s Haley Joel Osment is the kid, his troubled mom is Helen Hunt and his teacher is, yes!, played by Kevin Spacey.

Quills: Geoffrey “Elizabeth” Rush is the institutionalized Marquis de Sade, whose writings are smuggled out by Kate Winslet. Michael Caine is Napoleon’s representative, come to put the fellow down. An explicit tale of the, yawn, dangers of censorship and moral Puritanism and Ken Starr and yada yada…I’d be more alarmed were not the film being directed by one of my favorites, Phil Kaufman, who I’ll always adore for The Right Stuff alone. Admittedly, his recent obsession with all things sexual (Henry and June, The Unbearable Lightness of Being) risks turning him into the cinematic equivalent of the late period Robert A. Heinlein, but so far his work has remained amazingly good. In any case this is likely to be either a truly great film or a truly horrifying debacle, so either way we win.

Shadow of the Vampire John Malkovich is F. W. Murnau and Willem DaFoe is Max Schreck in this examination of the making of the classic horror film Nosferatu. This film itself is supposed to contain elements of the fantastic.

State and Main A film company finds the perfect idyllic small town to make a movie in and proceeds to utterly corrupt it. It’s a comedy starring William H. Macy (yeah!) and Alec Baldwin (hmm) and is written and directed by David Mamet. Cooool.

Unbreakable Sixth Sense writer/director M. Night Shyamalan reteams with Bruce Willis for the story of a regular blue collar joe who suddenly (warning, minor spoiler coming) finds himself invulnerable to physical harm. A mysterious stranger played by Samuel L. Jackson also plays a role. Wow, this could be so good.

It could work, the elements are there:

Bedazzled is a remake of the old Dudley Moore/Peter Cook vehicle. The Devil, played by Elizebeth Hurley, grants schlub Brendan Frasier seven wishes in exchange for his soul, with comical (we hope) results. Directed by Harold Ramis, a definite plus.

Cast Away reteams Forrest Gump (which I liked, thank you very much) alums Tom Hanks and Robert Zemeckis in a tale about a modern fellow marooned on an island. Filming broke for almost a year to allow Hanks to lose weight and grow a beard for the latter part of the movie – Zemeckis directed What Lies Beneath in the meantime. At the least expect a professional product, but get ready for scads of Survivor jokes.

Cherry Falls is supposed to be a better-than-average Slasher pic, not exactly high praise, true. Nor, really, my cup of tea, but maybe it’ll be better than I think.

Dr. T & the Women is directed by Robert Altman, not necessarily a good sign these days, and stars Richard Gere, Farrah Fawcett, Shelley Long (!) and Helen Hunt. Fawcett is “regressing into childhood” (yeah, I heard about her Letterman appearance) and dances naked in a fountain. Hunt also has a nude scene, if that’s enough for you. Boy, Altman and Woody Allen can get anybody to do anything.

Enemies at the Gate is based on a ‘true’ story about two snipers, a Russian and a German, who stalk each other through war-ravaged Stalingrad. It stars Jude Law and Ed Harris, respectively. Watch out for the fictional ‘romantic triangle’ element between Law, Rachel Weisz and Soviet commissar Joseph Fiennes, though. Expect them to market the film’s down-and-dirty (literally) sex scene.

Finding Forrester is about a black street kid who enrolls in an exclusive prep school. Robert Brown, the novice young actor playing the student, is reportedly pretty great. He’s supported by Sean Connery and Anna Paquin.

Cate Blanchett uses The Gift to help solve a murder in a Southern town with too many secrets. Co-stars Hilary Swank (cool), Greg Kinnear (hmm) and Keanu Reeves (uh oh). Making me more hopeful is that it’s directed by Sam Raimi and sports a script by the guys who wrote the superior and very dark crime-meller One False Move.

How the Grinch Stole Christmas: Jim Carrey and Ron Howard. Keeping my fingers crossed.

Legend of Bagger Vance is a comedic drama – or vice versa — starring Matt Damon as a golfer in ’20s Georgia with Charlize Theron as his girlfriend (lucky guy) and Will Smith as his preternaturally wise caddy. Great cast, and director Robert Redford is top-notch, although his work has been notably humor-free in the past. I tend to like sports movies more than sports and enjoy period films, so I’m looking forward to this one. Plus all three leads can actually act.

Men of Honor stars Cuba Gooding Jr. and Robert De Niro in the ‘true’ story of the first black man to join the Navy’s elite diving corps and the opposition he faces while doing so. De Niro is his tough-as-nails instructor. If they can avoid the usual knee-jerk “the military is evil” thing, this could be pretty good.

Moulin Rouge finds Nicole Kiddman in a comedy/tragedy/musical adaptation of Orpheus set in turn-of-the-(last)-century Paris. Don’t expect the film to stay true to the period. Hmm. Could be a good double bill with O Brother, Where Art Thou?

Nurse Betty: Cinema provocateur Neil “In the Company of Men” LaBute strays into David Lynch territory with this pitch-black comedy. RenÈe Zellweger is a small town waitress who witnesses her husband’s murder. Flipping out, she imagines that she’s the wife of a doctor as portrayed on her favorite soap opera (Greg Kinnear). As she heads west to find her ‘husband,’ she’s pursued by her real husband’s killers, Chris Rock and Morgan Freeman. Grossly violent, yes, funny, maybe.

The Pledge stars Jack Nicholson as a cop determined to solve the murder of a little girl. Set in the ‘50s, it’s directed by Sean Penn, who made the none-too-heralded The Crossing Guard with Nicholson. On the other hand, dig this supporting cast: Robin Wright Penn, Vanessa Redgrave, Sam Shepard, Helen Mirren and Harry Dean Stanton, who I guess isn’t dead. Where ya been, Harry?

Proof of Life stars Meg Ryan as a woman whose husband is kidnapped in Columbia. Russell Crowe is hired to help negotiate him out, but during the long process he and Ryan begin an affair. I like Crowe, but watch for your typical Hollywood defense of adultery as a moral right, or at the least, not a wrong. Meanwhile, Ryan and Crowe did start an affair in ‘real’ life — or as close to it as movie stars come –breaking up her marriage to Dennis Quaid. As well, a stuntman died during filming, so the signs are somewhat ominous.

Remember the Titans is the ‘true’ story of a black coach hired in 1971 to oversee a high school football team in Virginia. He faces various racial crap while struggling to send his team to the championships. It stars Denzel Washington, who’s a good actor but who suffers from Oscaritis. Loosen up, man. Still, if the movie doesn’t feel like it has to keep explaining to us how racism is bad and stuff (oh, yeah, now I get it), this could be pretty decent.

The Specials is a low-budget superhero team spoof, ala Mystery Men, only maybe this one is funny. The website’s pretty good, anyway.

The Tailor of Panama is a John le CarrÈ espionage piece. Geoffrey Rush is a tailor being blackmailed by sleazy Brit spy Pierce Brosnan, Baroness Jamie Leigh Curtis is Rush’s wife and director John Boorman helms. Despite Exorcist II and Zardoz, Boorman can occasionally turn out a good movie, and I like the cast. Here’s hoping.

Thirteen Days stars Kevin Costner and follows the Kennedy White House during the Cuban Missile crises. Criticism about the film’s historical accuracy is already beginning. If this doesn’t work, check out the superb made-for-TV The Missiles of October.

Director Steven Soderbergh adapts the quite nifty British TV mini-series Traffic, about a man appointed by the government to fight the drug trade (here in the American version it’s Michael Douglas as a newly appointed drug czar) who learns that his daughter — Catherine Zeta-Jones, which is kind of funny when you think about it — is an addict. This could be really good. If not, the British series in on cassette.

Under Suspicion boasts Unforgiven co-stars Morgan Freeman as a cop and Gene Hackman as a murder suspect, but is directed by the guy who made Lost in Space. Talk about mixed messages.

What Women Want is a romantic comedy wherein Mel Gibson gains the ability to hear what women are thinking. Presumably he goes mad. Helen Hunt, who seems to be in about every damn movie this fall, co-stars.

102 Dalmations. Another dog.

Arnold Schwarzenegger must fight his evil clone to regain his life in The 6^th Day. It’s Multiplicity meets The Fugitive!

Family Man stars Nicolas Cage as a guy who brags about avoiding attachment, and then wakes to find himself in an alternate life with wife and kids. It’s Groundhog’s Day meets It’s a Wonderful Life!

Adam Sandler is the Devil’s son. No, I mean that’s the plot of Little Nicky. It’s The Omen meets The Devil and Max Devlin!

John Travolta and Lisa Kudrow star in Lucky Numbers, a “black comedy” about a couple trying to defraud the state lottery, ‘based’ on real life. It’s Fargo meets It Could Happen to You!

In Miss Congeniality, hardnosed FBI agent Sandra Bullock goes undercover as a beauty pageant contestant and hilarity ensues. It’s Stake Out meets Smile! (Co-stars Michael Caine and William Shatner.)

The Exorcist (new cut).
A Hard Day’s Night. (Yay!)
This is Spinal Tap.

Tim Meadows is The Ladies Man.

Book of Shadows: Blair Witch II. Audience nothing?

In Bounce, Ben Affleck gives up his plane seat to a guy and the plane crashes. Feeling responsible, he seeks out the man’s widow, played by Gwyneth Paltrow (wasn’t Helen Hunt available?), and falls in love with her. It’s a “romantic drama.” Maybe it’ll work but I find the premise repugnant.

Charlie’s Angels.

Digimon: The Motion Picture. Even I, who likes Pokemon, can’t stand this awful program. Yuck.

Chris Rock is “an unfunny comic” [insert joke here] “who dies before his time and gets sent Down to Earth in the body of a wealthy, middle-aged white guy.” Heaven Can Wait, apparently, and so can I. Or, to put it another way, Here Comes Mr. Boredom.

Sylvester Stallone stars in a remake of the extraordinarily gritty Michael Caine crime-meller Get Carter, wherein vicious English hood Jack Carter metes out bloody revenge on those who killed his brother. Not that he cares about his brother, it’s more that they would dare to insult Carter this way. The original was made in the early ‘70s, when stars were willing to play real pricks. (See also Point Blank with Lee Marvin.) Stallone, no doubt, will make the character more ‘sympathetic.’ Meanwhile, Caine *sigh* returns for the remake, presumably playing a crime boss this time. Watch the real version, due out soon on DVD, and skip this.

Highlander: Endgame, like the third movie, pretty much has to be better than Highlander II, so it has that going for it. This one pairs TV Highlander Adrian Paul with the original Christopher Lambert. Would it be mean to point out that Lambert looks quite a bit older than in the first film? If they try to ignore this, I’d say that would be a good signpost as to the film’s quality.

The Little Vampire stars Jerry Maguire tot Jonathan Lipinski as, yep, you guessed it. Adapted from the children’s book. But here’s the kicker: It’s directed by Uli Edel, who made Body of Evidence!

Lost Souls is yet another Satanic thriller. Starring Winona Ryder, this one’s been sitting on the shelve for over a year now. That’s the only omen I need.

Original Sin stars Antonio Banderas (oh oh!) and Angela Jolie in a “noirish erotic thriller” set in 1880s’ Cuba. Watch for them to sell the sex. It’d be nice if there’s a movie to go with it.

Red Planet is the second of three Mars themed movies of late (John Carpenter’s Ghosts of Mars is still to be completed) and is a sci-fi flick starring Val Kilmer. I saw the preview and unless they were misrepresenting the film, it’s a killer robot movie. Hilariously, the Premiere article states that the studio turned down Russell Crowe for the Kilmer part as he was too unknown. Kilmer went on to annoy his co-workers as usual.

And I quote, from Entertainment Weekly: “Ring of Fire – “Two bull-riding brothers (Kiefer Sutherland, Marcus Thomas) fall for a blonde bombshell (Darryl Hannah) in a drama written by Robert Redford’s son, James.” Sounds like a lot of bull.

Stardom is about a model’s rise to fame. What earns is an ‘Uh-Oh’ spot? The following sentence: “Dan Ackroyd and Frank Langella costar.”

Urban Legends: Final Cut. We can only hope. Stars Joey Lawrence of Blossom.

Vertical Limit is a mountain climbing film starring Chris O’Donnell, and well, a film starring Chris O’Donnell. For heaven’s sake, do I have to draw you a map?

Wes Craven Presents: Dracula 2000. From the man who ‘presented’ us with Mind Ripper, the remake of Carnival of Souls (yeah, that was a good idea) and Wishmaster.

Information on any of the above can undoubtedly be found at Upcomingmovies.com, a great site.