Shark Night 3D trailer: Me no likee…

Updated on June 7, 2011 By Ken Begg 13 Comments

Ugh. I think everyone here knows pretty much nobody wants more than I for there to be another good killer shark movie. (Which, admittedly, would make two of them.) Piranha 3D wasn’t my bag, because I’m just not the target audience for the over the top gross-out, gore ‘n’ boobs technique.

So unlike many, I was actually encouraged by Shark Night‘s reported PG13 rating. I hoped it meant the filmmakers were going to try a bit harder. But this trailer…groan. The callow, CW-esque generic leads. The patently CGI sharks. The silly pryotechnics. Worst of all, the utterly pointless and annoying “evil humans” subplot. Good grief, can’t they just make an efficient, 90 minute killer shark movie and call it a day? I guess I have my answer.

“From the Producer of Hostel” the trailer crows. Sadly, it looks like that about sums things up.

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  • Ericb

    Speaking of Hostel, has the torture porn genre dried up in terms of mainstream theater released movies? I haven’t seen an add for one in while.

  • More or less, it seems. I think the market got flooded for a while and largely killed them off. I expect we’ll see one occasionally, but really, you more reliably make money with PG13 horror because you can get the Jr. High crowd.

  • alex

    People like us who love good old fashionned horror film are not the target audience. The failure of Grindhouse a few years ago sadly showed that there is no audience for that anymore. I know Grindhouse was more sleazy 70s than classic horror but the cold reaction it got is pretty much proof that this type of cinema is for a very niche audience, not something Hollywood is interested in. Hence the CW leads and teen movie feel of the trailer above.

    A great monster movie like Jaws, well written, well made and with adult leads will not get made anymore.

  • Yeah, unless Godzilla makes a ton of money next year, the dearth of giant monster movies is almost certain to continue.

  • dan

    I’ll see it, but it doesn’t look like much. I know Jaws is a classic and not every shark movie will deliver like it did, but wouldn’t it be nice if just one or two over the years had come close? Seems like the scales are pretty uneven–Jaws on one side and Jaws Inspired Drivel on the other….

  • Rock Baker

    I could make a decent (I wouldn’t promise great) killer shark movie that hits the needed exploitation points and avoids the template of Jaws. Don’t know if I’d ever get the chance, but I know I could. (Someday, someone with a few thousand dollars is going to hear me say that, write me a check and tell me to put his money where my mouth is. Or so I hope.)

  • The Rev.

    I’ll have to watch this when I get home. Stupid work filter on vidoes anyhow.

    In unrelated news, whoever has control on the old message board may want to do something about the spam attack under Paul LOJ’s name…

  • Flangepart

    Who dies first?
    Is it, the black guy?
    Ding,ding,ding we have a winnah!

    Also, the old message board is more clogged with crap than the plumbing at an all you can eat buffet.

  • Foywonder

    “Yeah, unless Godzilla makes a ton of money next year, the dearth of giant monster movies is almost certain to continue.”

    I don’t think Godzilla is coming out next year. All they have right now is a director. No writer. No sign that production is going to begin any time soon and certainly not any indication they intend to keep the originally announced summer 2012 release date.

    On the other hand, there is a giant monster movie hitting theaters next year. It’s called Pacific Rim. It’s essentially about the pilots of giant mechs fighting giant, alien controlled, subterranean monsters. Guillermo Del Toro is directing. It’s the movie Del Toro stepped in to direct after the Mountains of Madness project got its funding pulled. Word on the web describes the script for Pacific Rim as both incredibly ambitious and a “hot mess”. We’ll see.

  • Scott Foy — I can’t say this hasn’t occurred to me. I keep scanning Google for updates on the Godzilla movie, and like you, I find the lack of same ominous. And while Hollywood often boneheadedly runs out two or three movies on the same subject at about the same time, would a single studio do so?

    It could indeed well be that they have decided to go with Pacific Rim first because they wanted to grab ahold of Del Toro. It’s a crapshoot, though. Del Toro is a bigger name, sort of, but has never actually made anything that was a major hit. Conversely, Godzilla is much more of a high profile character, so I’m not sure how that swings. And while I’m sure they’re thinking “monsters vs. Transformers,” it’s a question whether audiences will buy into that concept, being that it’s mixing two fairly different tropes. Obviously it would be great if the movie came out and made a mess of money, but I’m not sure that’s how it would break. If that comes out first and tanks, I could easily see the Godzilla revamp getting torpedoed all together.

  • P Stroud

    Well, “Grindhouse” died but since then we’ve had “Machete” and now there’s “Hobo With A Shotgun” so there’s still money to be made in 70’s style exploitation schlock apparently.

  • Reed

    In many interviews Kevin Smith has claimed that the key to his longevity as a minor director is that he is the “10 million dollar man”; he makes pictures for 10 million or less, and they reliably turn a profit (with some notable exceptions). The formula isn’t rocket science; small cheap pictures are much more likely to make a profit than the bank busters the studios turn out these days. The studios are fighting hard to keep making money on megadollar pictures, but perhaps the day of a new AIP is coming. Cheap pictures that none the less have decent (for the money) production values, decent (for the money) actors, and subject matter that interests people who actually go to movies.

    I have frequently wondered if the availability of free pornography on the web has reduced the audience for R rated movies. Boobs have always been the cheapest special effect, and they (to be frank) were a major draw of exploitation pictures. Now you can very easily get your boobs without laying out 10 clams for a movie ticket, and double that if you get popcorn and a drink.

  • Rock Baker

    The prevailing wisdom on naked bodies is “when you see one, you want to see them all.” From the producer’s frame, nudity is always a plus because someone will always want to see it no matter how much he has already seen. As far as I know, the porno industry continues to crank out five thousand projects a year and makes a healthy profit from their wares, despite the free stuff one could easily find on the web. It seems to be the one thing there is always a demand for.