Monster of the Day #215

Updated on March 18, 2011 By Ken Begg 15 Comments

St. Paddy’s Day is over, but surely there’s still time for a little wearing of the green.

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  • Reed

    AARRRGH! Again you taunt me with my modern unmanliness! :( On the plus side, I am actually fit for married love, so I have that going for me.

    I’m too lazy to go back and look at it, but this looks like the Weasels Ripped My Flesh cover with “lizards” badly substituted for weasels.

    On the plus side, the couple was probably covered in tasty misquitos that the lizards were trying to eat off of them. If they had just relaxed a little they could have had a wonderfully insect free day.

    And finally, go San Diego!

  • Gamera

    ‘Switch your car insurance to GEICO or me and the boys are gonna kick your @#$!!!!’

    Funny, somehow they look kinda more like a frog/lizard hybred mutant than a lizard to me.

  • Ericb

    I looks like someone on their staff had a phobia about being attacked by small animals while being partly submerged in water. Are there actually any lizards that size that can be any threat to a human? Sure, rats and weasels can do some damage (especially swarms of them) but lizards that size are pretty much vegetarians or insectivores. At least he’s got a shirt on.

  • Gamera

    The only ‘small’ dangerous lizard I can think of off the top of my head would be the gila monster. Still at five pounds/2.3 kilos it’s not really what I’d call ‘tiny’.

    That’s the normal gila monster anyway, I think the giant variety can only be stopped by ramming a hot rod into it.

  • “That’s the normal gila monster anyway, I think the giant variety can only be stopped by ramming a hot rod into it.”

    Actually, it takes a hot rod loaded with nitro to do the job.

  • Ericb

    It also helps if the Gila Monster has been stunned with some dull faux rock’n roll.

  • roger h

    “I sing whenever I sing. . .laugh children laugh”

    yes, last time I checked, iguanas were foliovores. Of, course these little guys are “FROM HELL” so I guess that explains it.

  • Gamera

    Thanks guys, I forgot about the nitro and rock’n’roll. If I’d just rammed it with a hot rod I would probably would only made it mad….

    1). Hot rod
    2). Nitro
    3). Bad rock’n’roll

    I’ll have to write that down so next time I encounter a giant gilla I’ll be ready.

  • It’s important to remember, though, that while bad rock ‘n’ roll stuns giant gila monsters, it conversely rouses comatized giant spiders.

  • Gamera

    And bad rock’n’roll can stop an invasion of violent tomatoes. Seems one must be very careful to get a correct ID of the monster first. The awesome power of rock’n’roll must be used responsibly.

    BTW: My friend Kenji wants to know if his souped-up Honda, a couple of cases of TNT, and his Justin Bieber collection would be effective on a giant gila monster. Anyone know???

  • In a hot, swampy environment, scratches from those claws would go septic pretty easily. Not even rock ‘n’ roll has healing powers like that.

  • Rock Baker

    A Honda works best against a giant gnat, or maybe an enlarged tree frog.

    These look to me like tiny savage moneys more than lizards. The cover may have been reused, and this later version switching monkeys for reptiles?

  • Rock Baker

    As is often the case with these things, the artwork is fantastic!

  • BeckoningChasm

    This reminds me of a Gerald Kersh story I just read, “Men without Bones.”

  • Lizards? Aren’t those things baby Tyrannosaurus Rexes? If i’ve learned nothing else from KING DINOSAUR …