He speaks truth to power…

Updated on September 11, 2009 By Ken Begg 19 Comments

A reader posts his trenchant reactions to my Rocky 3 review:

“It is so agonizingly obvious that the person who wrote these reviews hasn’t seen Rocky-Rocky IV, I feel humiliated for him. The entire point of the franchise completely went over his head and he is apparently incapable of understanding anything which uses symbolism and metaphor to get the point across. None of the reasons stated for trash talking the franchise were valid. “Rocky” is the only good film Stallone ever had? Yeah and The Godfather is the only good film Marlon Brando ever did. What an absolute, ignorant fool this reviewer is. It’s not surprising though. I have yet, in all my hears of living, to meet ONE person who can provide a real, legitimate reason that makes any sense whatsoever for trash talking the series, so I suppose I shouldn’t have expected anything different this time around.”

Thank you, Tommy.  As I leave for Kentucky for a week of solitude and rural splendor, you have given me much to think about.

To everyone else, I’ll see you when I come back.  If I come back.

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  • I have yet, in all my hears of living, to meet ONE person who can provide a real, legitimate reason that makes any sense whatsoever for trash talking the series…

    In other words, “Everyone else in the world disagrees with me! What’s WRONG with you people???”

  • Mr. Rational

    Bugs Bunny said it best. What a maroon.

  • Let’s admit, it was only a matter of time until the cursory nature of my reviews exposed the fact that I don’t actually watch the movies I pretend to write about. It’s a fair cop

    I’m surprised the run lasted this long, frankly.

  • JoshG

    I hope I live as many hears as he has so I may be as old and rise as he obviously is.

  • The Rev. D.D.

    I had started formulating a response, but I got over to that review and saw Mr. Rational’s.

    All I can add after that verbal face-pounding is, “DAAAAAAMN, Tommy-boy, you just got taken to school in the Train of Pain.”

    Good sir, I salute you.

  • Jimmy

    Damn, that’s the funniest thing I’ve seen all week. I for one would love to see Tommy-boy’s writing exonerating the Rocky series.

  • Mr. Rational

    Thanks, Rev. May the Schwartz be with you, too.

  • Patrick Coyle

    I’m wagering that Tommy’s debate experience is limited entirely to internet fansites, where simply going “NU-UH!!!” like a grade schooler is still considered a compelling rebuttal without having to actually address your opponents points, let alone explain your own. I, for one, would LOVE to hear him tell us all about the rich symbolism and metaphor of Rocky III that apparently goes over everybody’s heads but his.

    And, I’m sorry… did he just compare Stallone to Brando as equals…?

  • At last, someone willing to say the philistine, Stallone-hating emperor has no clothes. Your inability to understand the rich symbolism of the Balboa mythos has always been your greatest weakness as a reviewer. I suppose next you’ll be claiming that “Over the Top” wasn’t the greatest cinematic exploration of the nature of masculinity ever made.

  • Aussiesmurf

    I’m not going to delve into Ken’s lengthy review again, but did he really say that Rocky was the only good movie Stallone ever made?

    If I recall correctly, Ken basically praises Rocky III in the sense that it is well-made and unashamed about what it attempts to accomplish.

    I must admit, I also had a soft spot for the Stallone movies Assassins (with Julianne Moore and Antonio Banderas) and the recent low-budget shade (with an amazing cast for the budget including Stallone, Gabriel Byrne, Thandie Newton, Stuart Townsend, Melanie Griffith and Jamie Foxx).

    What the heck does ‘good’ mean, anyway? If we are only looking at the ‘truly memorable’, then yes, Rocky is Stallone’s only entry in that hallowed field. If we mean ‘workmanlike effort’, then that is a different story.

    If you look at the-numbers.com, the thing that stands out enormously about Stallone’s list of credits is the incredible worldwide popularity of his movies, even the ones that were clunkers in America. Although its true that not all of these turned a profit, the following movies (in addition to the big hits) all made $100m worldwide :

    Staying Alive, Rocky V, Cliffhanger, Demolition Man, Judge Dredd, Daylight, Antz, Spy Kids 3, Rocky Balboa, Rambo 4

  • Blackadder

    Who says Stallone has ever had ANY good movies?

  • Peter Johnson

    Ahhhh… and the “real” Internet graces Jabootu with an appearance. Quite frankly, I’m surprised that the comments section on every review isn’t full of comments like this one; after all, that’s what every other comments section looks like, only with more profanity.

    [i]Who says Stallone has ever had ANY good movies?[/i]

    Well, I’m a sucker for “The Specialist”, if only for James Woods’ master class in making the best of a lousy script.

  • P Stroud

    “Ahhhh… and the “real” Internet graces Jabootu with an appearance. Quite frankly, I’m surprised that the comments section on every review isn’t full of comments like this one; after all, that’s what every other comments section looks like, only with more profanity.”

    The answer is simple. JtBMD reviews require a reading level higher than 4th grade. If someone can’t comprehend something more complex than “All your base are belong to us” then he/she’ll never get through a review here.

  • Mr. Rational

    All your…base — wait, WHAT?!

    :::boom:::

  • Ways in which Stallone = Brando.

    1) both of them tend to mumble & mutter.

    2) both of them have played washed-up palookas to good effect.

    3) both of them are able to hilariously overact and mug for the camera.

    4) both of them have been nominated for Oscars.

    5) er … neither are conventionally handsome.

    6) um … er … that’s all I can think of. Unless being male or something trivial like that counts.

  • Dr. Whiggs

    I hope this isn’t turning into the Agony Booth.

  • incidentally – am I the only person who doesn’t particularly like Brando’s performance in The Godfather?

  • sandra

    It’s intersting to see the comparison between Stallone and Brando, because back when I first saw the original ROCKY, I Stalllone had based the character the one Brando played in ON THE WATERFRONT, a washed-up prizefighter who was so dim-witted that you could almost see a little lightbulb go off over his head every time he had an idea. Of course, the big difference between Stallone and Brando is that Brando can act. At his best, as in OTW, he’s brilliant.

  • sandra

    Well, my comment posted, but ye gads, the typos ! That’s what I get for not pressing ‘enlarge’ before I proofread.