Monster of the Day #1947

Blood Beat is another Amazon Prime film, a regional (Wisconsin) slasher flick that’s 80% horrible deathly slop and 20% batcrap insanity. The crazy stuff is almost worth sitting through the film for, but man, the pacing is just deadly. Still, you get a killer in full samurai armor–the availability of which no doubt inspiring the whole idea behind the film, many characters glowing with what I guess is magical energy of some sort, a great scene where a guy is attacked by his kitchen, and a heroine who has intense orgasms whenever the killer kills somebody. This happens several times, including during a sex scene, so her partner must have thought he was pretty hot stuff. And sympathy to the woman faking all the climaxes during these long takes. Hey, it’s show business. Anyway, kudos to anyone who can actually sit through all this, because I couldn’t. It would probably work better with a crowd, preferably ones with a lot of beer. If anyone does watch this, please let me know what the heck is happening, because I couldn’t figure anything out. (Again, though, I was just skimming.)

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Beckoning Chasm

I can’t remember if I saw it on Prime or Netflix, but there’s a godawful shark movie called “Marina Monster” that doesn’t have a single iota of entertainment. Sometimes the need to fill streaming dredges up some pretty dreadful things.
Gamera977

Well, I doubt it can be much worse the ‘Banana Splits’ take-off you talked about yesterday.
Rock Baker

It’s pretty much exactly that sort of perverse darkness that motivates my new book Cartoon Cuties to be an oasis from all that stuff. I can pretty much guarantee that if I’m ever offered a movie deal to turn the book into a creepy gorefest, it’s a deal I will flatly refuse.
KeithB

Are you sure? Tolkien’s phrase was “Art or Cash” 8^)
Eric Hinkle

Well, it seems to be the motto of his heirs anyway.
zombiewhacker

Ehhhh, give me an old fashioned bad horror movie over a modern bad horror movie any day.

For instance, I just discovered that Gallery of Horrors (aka Dr. Terror’s Gallery of Horrors aka Return From the Past) with John Carradine and Lon Chaney Jr. is free on Prime.

Also free on Prime is… wait for it, Ken… the Rifftrax version of The Curse of Bigfoot. Hmmmmmm….
The Rev.

I actually sat through the whole thing last year. Admittedly, I was live chatting with other people on that particular channel’s Facebook page during it, so I wasn’t exactly alone. I remember very little of it. I did enjoy the kitchen attack; and the ending did go pretty batshit, which was great. I don’t know if it’s worth the slog, because the fun parts are few and far between.

(I guess spoiler, if you care that much.)

I don’t think it was magic, though, but psychic powers. Apparently they ran in the family, if I remember correctly. I don’t really remember the killer’s motivation, though, or if there even was one.
Ken_Begg

Ah, Gallery of Horror. It’s an old Eerie or Creepy comic magazine movie made by hacks. Great stuff!
KeithB

His heirs are simply “Cash on the barrelhead!”

If you gave Tolkien artistic control, he would give you the rights cheaply. If you wanted control, you had to pay more. There is a letter he wrote complaining about a treatment he received. It is amazing how many of the things in the treatment ended up in Jackson’s LOTR.
Rock Baker

I think there’s more money to be made by not going the dark route.
Eric Hinkle

I’ve read a letter of Tolkien’s where he complained at length about a planned animated Disney version.
Eric Hinkle

I don’t know. It depends on what you mean by “dark”. Watership Down and a lot of 30’s-40’s Disney animated films are ‘dark’ by modern standards but they’re still very good. Of course in them the dark elements are necessary for the stories to work. And it’s not ‘grimdork for the sake of grimdork’ as someone once told me.

Though you can go too far in the other direction too. I’ll never forget the guy who told me that The Seven Samurai needed to be remade so everyone lived in the end. Because Kurosawa didn’t know how to make a good movie. And yes, he was 100% serious.
Ken_Begg

Well, is it good going down the dark route. But yes, the non-dark route is less serviced these days, so there’s a genuine hunger to be fed there.

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