We continue our climb up the cinematic ladder with Universal’s announced films for this coming year.
Jan 11th
The Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything ; A Veggie Tales Movie
I’ve never seen anything Veggie Tales, but I’m sure it will be popular with the kiddies.
Feb 8th
Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins
Martin Lawrence is the “Male Oprah,” who is forced to return home to the dysfunctional family he’s been avoiding all these years. Zaniness and heartstring-pulling ensues. I saw the trailer for this yesterday, and it looks as awful as you’d expect. Sadly, though, I did find the bit with Martin Lawrence being beaten up by a sassy fat black woman hilarious. What can I say, you have no control over what you find funny.
Feb 14th
Definitely, Maybe
A hopelessly complicated sounding rom-dramedy that sounds sort of like Sleepless in Seattle meets the TV show How I Met Your Mother. Stars Ryan Reynolds, the less annoying Dane Cook. One of the reasons it earned a PG-13 rating is for “smoking.” For the love of Pete.
April 4th
Leatherheads
Romcom set in the earliest days of pro football in the 1920s, and starring Michael Clooney and Renee Zellweger. I like a good period film, so who knows. Directed by Clooney; we’ll see if he has the chops for romantic comedy, which requires a particularly deft touch.
April 4th
Wild Child
Spoiled girl is sent to strict British boarding school; she shakes up the place, but also learns important life lessons about being less of a bitch. Presumably for the teenie crowd.
April 18th
Baby Mama
Odd Couple comedy, with Tina Fey as the control freak who wants to have a kid but can’t, and Amy Poehler as her slob surrogate mother. Comedy ensues. You’d like to think the script is as good as the stars; we’ll see, I guess.
May 30th
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Man, Universal is big on romantic comedy this year. Still, the red hot Judd Apatow co-wrote the script. Guy is dumped by his famous girlfriend, tries to get past it. It’s all in the execution, as always.
June 13th
The Incredible Hulk
Ah, here we go. Please, please, do not mess this up. There’s a rumor that Robert Downy Jr.’s Tony Stark will cameo in this, setting up the much in the future Avengers movie. That…would be awesome. Ed Norton is a great choice for Bruce Banner, but the guy who directed The Transporter? Please, dude, chill with the shakey-cam. The number two film on my personal want-to-see list this year.
June 27th
Wanted
Graphic novel adaptation directed by that Russian dude who made the Night Watch vampire movies, this could be really good or suck, and in any case could get lost in the flood of really exciting, high-profile superhero movies this year. Still, Morgan Freeman and Terrance Stamp? That’s pretty cool. Otherwise sounds a bit like a less lighthearted Chuck or Reaper meets The Matrix; sad-sack slacker is recruited by super-secret organization that awakens his dormant superpowers so he can whack bad guys.
July 11th
Hellboy II: The Golden Army
Oops, Hulk is my third want-to-see film, this is the second. Man, what a friggin’ great year for superhero movies.
July 18th
Mamma Mia!
The musical based on ABBA songs. You know, under the exact right circumstances, I can actually see going to see this. Stars Meryl Streep and Pierce Brosnan (!!!).
Aug 1st
The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor
I’ve got nothing against this series; the first Mummy movie was actually kind of fun. However, meh, I don’t know. And being directed by Rob Cohen doesn’t help. Unless I see a lot more movies than I expect this year, this won’t be on the list. Michelle Yeoh and Jet Li are in it, though. Well, if it gets great reviews…(but what are the odds of that?)
Sep 26th
Death Race
Remake of the Corman classic, although I assume this will be less satirical. Directed by Paul WS Anderson, a guy who generally is even lamer than Rob Cohen. On the other hand, if he could regain that Mortal Kombat magic…. It’s hard to see this working, but it would be nice.
Oct 3rd
The Express
This year’s Inspiration Sports Movie (actually a genre I sort of like, which is weird, since I’m not that big on sports in general), with a soupcon of Racial Awareness. ‘True’ story of the first black guy to win the Heisman Trophy, although he got hurt and never played pro ball. Maybe I like these films because they generally are just old-fashioned good story tellers. We could use more films like that. Nice cast, including Dennis Quaid (whose The Rookie might be the best of these from recent years) as the kid’s coach, Charles S. Dutton and Clancy Brown.
Dec 19th
The Tale of Despereaux
Animated kiddie flick.
TBD
Changeling
Period crime drama in which a woman (Angelina Jolie) has her son kidnapped, eventually seems to get him back, but alone thinks he isn’t her kid. Co-stars John Malkovich and directed by America’s only currently great filmmaker, Clint Eastwood. Not every Eastwood movie is great, but everything he does at least has a shot at being a classic. Let’s hope this is another.
TBD
Frost/Nixon
Ron Howard directs the stageplay about the famous interviews. The original stage actors are thankfully cast, Frank Langella as Nixon, and Michael Sheen as Frost. We’ll see if Howard felt pressured to “open up” the play.
TBD
Flash of Genius
Tucker-like ‘true’ Little Guy Against the System movie in which an engineer (Greg Kinnear) invents a vital piece of automotive technology (unexplicated in the synopsis, for some reason) back in the ’50s, and then must fight the major auto makers for credit and the money he deserves.
TBD
Doomsday
Yet another apocalyptic plague horror flick, ala 28 Days Later, directed by the guy who made the admittedly quite good The Descent. No reason this won’t be good, but seriously, we need to find some new ground here.
TBD
Kids in America
Zach Branf-esque slacker comedy starring Topher Grace.
TBD
Untitled Mentor Project
Slob comedy with beer reps Seann William Scott (ugh) and Paul Rudd forced to join a Big Brothers-type organization.
