Monster of the Day #1086

This was the second movie at this year’s B-Fest. The most I can say for it is that I never saw it before. Now I have. It’s quite a snooze. The biggest issue everyone had with it is that it doesn’t deliver what the sub-title promises. It’s like Star Trek III: The Search with Spock if they didn’t, you know, search for Spock, or a Breakin’ II is there was no electric boogaloo.

In fact, now that I think about it, the film doesn’t feature what the primary title promises either. Stupid movie.

As I offer a parade of MotDs from the film in the next several days, I beg you not to be fooled. This movie just isn’t very good.

This was the secondary villain, the chief henchman. Because the film was part of that ’80s cycle of 3-D film, he came with a telescoping pseudo-arm that shot acid or poison or whatever I can’t remember and don’t care. Because of course he did. Other than that he was pretty useless. He kept running away from the hero, which for the chief henchman, usually the bruiser, is quite lame.

The film is also Kelly Preston’s second worst sci-fi film, but her role does prove that cosmetics will survive the Apocalypse. Lots and lots of cosmetics.
And shampoo. And conditioner. And hair dryers.

  • Flangepart

    Huh…squirting green goo from an arm spritizer…not a lot of villains can pull that off…and evidently, neither did he.
    No, will not look up Preston’s film list…too easy.

  • Gamera977

    If I were transformed into a murderous cyborg the first mechanical attachment I’d ask for would be a lemon-lime Slurpee machine.

    I think I know what this one is, though as a child of the ’80s and a fan of bad movies to my embarrassment I’ve never seen it. Not sure if it’s a relief or disappointment to find out I really haven’t missed anything.

  • David Fullam

    Don’t get me started on how much I hate this film.

  • Ericb

    You WILL enjoy the refreshing taste of Slurm!

  • bgbear_rnh

    the film doesn’t feature what the primary title promises either

    No kidding, earlier this week is all they could talk about on the news was the big metal storm that was going to hit the east coast and bring it too a stand still. Ha, a few inches of copper, aluminum and a few other industrial metals.

  • GreenLuthor

    “Kelly Preston’s second worst sci-fi film”? Come on, SpaceCamp wasn’t *that* bad.

    (Yes, it’s a joke.) (SpaceCamp is pretty stupid, though…)

  • Beckoning Chasm

    I saw this in the theatre back during the 80’s 3-D micro-craze. For what it’s worth, I remember it using 3-D to much better effect than any of its contemporaries. Other than that, I’ve completely forgotten it.

    Oh, and the chief villain was played by the Hippie Commune Leader of “The Road Warrior.” I remember that.

  • Gamera977

    So this is ‘Mangosteen: The Destruction of Jared Schultz’?

  • sandra

    So this must be METALSTORM. I don’t remember the subtitle, except it was The Destruction of Jared Something. I also don’t remember the plot. Wasn’t the villain played by Mike Preston ? Any relation to Kelly ?

  • bgbear_rnh

    I guess any fool can make a bad sc-fi fan but to make a really bad one you need to spend $44 miilion.

  • The Rev.

    Yes it is. The Destruction of Jared-Syn is the subtitle. There is no plot. And he was the villain, although I have no idea if he’s related.

    Seeing this movie once, years ago, was enough. Thanks a lot, B-Fest.

  • Eric Hinkle

    I remember liking something about this movie when I saw it, though it may simply have been my very healthy imagination playing around with what I saw on screen rather than the actual film (that and the idea to a teenaged boy of saving eight gorgeous and sexy ladies was pretty appealing).

    I’ve seen it going on a double DVD with Krull for $7. Guess I’ll have to choose between this one and the Konga/Yongary double-header.

  • GalaxyJane

    I was glad this showed up, just because I remember seeing it covered on some movie show when I was a kid (probably the on one Nickelodeon that Leonard Nimoy hosted, don’t ask me the name) and really thinking it looked cool. And in 3D even. The reality, as in so many things, was disappointing, but I’m glad to have finally scratched that particular itch.

    And I’m still not sure it didn’t suck less than it’s contemporary “Spacehunter: Adventures Beyond the Forbidden Zone” which I watched approximately 576 times a week on Cinemax as a kid. It was shorter at any rate, which is almost always better.

  • Gamera977

    I think I’ve seen Spacehunter but don’t remember anything out of it, somehow I get it and Metalstorm confused.

  • sandra

    Ive seen Spacehunter. The Molly Ringwald character was so annoying that when Peter Strauss took her with him at the end, I figured his plan was to wait until they were in space, then kick her out the airlock. No movie with Michael Ironside as the villain can be ALL bad,