Monster of the Day #932

Updated on June 20, 2014 By Ken Begg 27 Comments

No surprise here. This was as poorly executed as their Dracula book,  but at least Frankenstein fought a mad scientist who had a huge rampaging ape and giant spider and whatnot.

The level of aliases was embarrassing, though. Aside from this, Dracula took the civilian identity of Al U.  Card. Get it?

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  • Gamera977

    Al U. Card and Frank Stone… (shudder). Plus he’s not FRANKENSTEIN but Frankenstein’s MONSTER for crying out loud- so it should be Frank S. Mason or something like that.

    Personally I’d go with something more creative though like Sparticus P. Hardcheese. No one would ever suspect you were a monster with a cool name like that to distract them. Not that those fire engine red tights aren’t distracting enough…

  • bgbear_rnh

    i think we start something creating aliases for other monsters:

    Manuel Wolf
    Ken Kong
    Slim Verde
    Logan Black

  • Gamera977

    You’re much better at this than me, oh well…
    Torgo- Todd Gordon
    The Giant Claw- Ginny Crawford
    Dagon- Doug Gunn
    The Mothman- Mort Mann

  • Gamera977

    I’m wondering now if maybe he’s colour-blind and those tights look a muted grey to him?

  • bgbear_rnh

    Not bad Mr. G. Tortuga.

  • Adam Lopresto

    I hear the name Sparticus P. Hardcheese as a Groucho Marx character. So now I’m picturing the Frankenstein monster with a grease pencil mustache and a huge cigar. Now, there’s a disguise for you.

  • bgbear_rnh

    Franklin T. Neckbolt

  • Gamera977

    Lol… I was thinking Gary Moore!

  • Gamera977

    Lol, I was thinking of the ‘Space Mutiny’ episode of MST3K where they were coming up with goofy names for the main character of the movie. I think Hardcheese was one of them, been a few years since I saw the episode.

  • bgbear_rnh

    I would worry about this Gary N. Gaos guy.

  • Flangepart

    I found a video compilelation of those…there were about 25! Man, I love that one.

    Groucho…heh, heh,heh…

    “My name is Franklin T. Neckbolt, of the Travsylvania Neckbolts.
    I come from a long line of resurrected bodies.
    My family tree extends from Carpathia to Saddle River New Jersey. And I think Carpathia got the better on that deal.
    I’ve got three uncles, five aunts, and two cousins twice removed. We had to remove them because they kept the rest of me up all night arguing about the last will and testament.
    Now, if you don’t mind I think I’ll pull your arms out of their sockets till you scream like a baby, or a shyster who lost a case.
    Unless you have a bank account I can violate, then we can make a deal. Would that make a great game show? You bet ya life!”

  • Flangepart

    Or George Zillya.

  • Eric Hinkle

    It might have been a crappy comic, but for 12 cents I couldn’t complain too much. If I’d paid the current prices I’d have been rather less amused.

  • bgbear_rnh

    I recall “Trent Lockjaw”

  • He looks like an undead Race Bannon.

  • Petoht

    Agent Franks would totally wipe the floors with this chump.

  • The Rev.

    I actually wrote down a list during a viewing of that episode once, although I have no idea where it is or if I even still have it.

    My favorites were “Big McLargeHuge” and “Brick Hardmeat.”

  • Gamera977

    Um, maybe it was Hardmeat instead of Hardcheese… I like Hardcheese better though.

  • Ken_Begg

    Yes, but twelve cents then is over $10,000 in today’s money.

  • Ken_Begg

    Ha, yeah, you’d think!

  • Ericb

    The role Dolph Lungren was born to play but never did.

  • Eric Hinkle

    This will be OT but right now I’m watching the TCM showing of GODZILLA, KING OF THE MONSTERS, and while it’s as awesome as ever, I thought the host was kind of obnoxious when he got to sneering about the ‘primitive rubber-suit and toy building effects’ because ‘no one had CGI back then’. Seriously, they couldn’t find someone with a greater appreciation for the film than this?

  • Flangepart

    Who is the Bozo, so I can avoid him?

  • Ericb

    So would the Wolfman knockoff have the alias Wolfe Mann?

  • Eric Hinkle

    I can’t think of his name, sorry. I think he’s some comedian and I don’t follow the modern ones very well.

    Right after Godzilla they showed MIGHTY JOE YOUNG with an intro by Robert Osbourne, and he showed real appreciation for the stop-motion and the history of the movie. Which surprised me, as I never thought of him as a big monster fan.

  • Gamera977

    It’s not Ben Makowitz (sp?) is it? He’s the younger hipster type guy. For a classic movie channel he doesn’t seem to like older films very much, often denigrating them or talking about how much better some modern remake is.

  • Eric Hinkle

    No, it wasn’t Mankie-whatever. This is some other guy they have on the ‘Essentals Jr’ movies they’re showing on Sunday at 8.