Ms. Marrrrrple is in the hauusss!

Updated on March 29, 2011 By Ken Begg 19 Comments

Here’s the frumpy old Miss Marple. Booo! Nobody could enjoy watching these movies anymore, because she’s like all old and stuff, and plus the movies are in black and white. LAME!!!!

Disney has the answer, though. Here’s who they hired to play the new Miss Ms. Marple. Ms. Garner will thus join a select group of actors who have played both Elektra the Assassin and Ms. Marple.

SUPER NEWS SCOOP:  Jabootu has learned from reputable sources that Ms. Marple will be knocking boots with fellow sleuth Barnaby Jones, as seen here.

SUPER NEWS SCOOP II: Jabootu has also learned that Disney is in talks with actor Christian Bale to play classic detective Nero Wolfe.

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  • Gamera

    Um Ken, is April Fools Day coming early this year?

    My head hurts……

  • Ericb

    Is a silk nightgown really smart desertwear?

    You know, these days Matthew MacConaughey is probably too old to play Barnaby Jones.

  • roger h

    Kind of makes you long for the days when Will Smith was cast as James West.

    Darn it, now I am imagining Salma Hayek as Jessica Fletcher.

  • Foywonder

    Dammit Ken, you stole my Barnaby Jones joke! Only in my version it was going to be Channing Tatum. :)

    When you come across news like this you it really sinks in that there are highly paid people running Hollywood that are creatively clueless. I’m not a Miss Marple fan but I know that the hook to her character is that she’s this little old lady who just happens to be a Sherlock Holmes in her own right. It’s like deciding you want to make an updated version of Raymond Burr’s old “Ironsides” show but in this version he won’t be in a wheelchair. It’s just mindboggling how some of these decisions get made. I guess the only solace to be found here is that at least they skewer even younger and cast Vanessa Hudgens.

    And while everyone lets this news set in now might be a good time remind everyone that Hollywood has also greenlit a big budget blockbuster that will cast Channing Tatum as Peter Pan.

  • roger h

    How about an update of “Mrs. Columbo”, only Kate Columbo is now domestic partner Kevin?

    I am thinking “Bravo” will pick it up.

  • fish eye no miko

    Ya know, I’m willing to defend Disney about a lot of things (largely because I feel they often get unfairly criticized for things, while other companies who do exactly the same things, but get a pass for some reason), but in this case: FUCK YOU, DISNEY.

  • You forgot Justin Timberlake as the new Hercule Poirot. (I must go to confession now for typing that.)

  • Wow. When I saw this post by Ken, it was so obviously a dumb joke. Then I did a little research, to my cost.

  • Incidentally, I can only assume that Archie Goodwin is going to be played by Dakota Fanning.

  • Rock Baker

    This fall: Murder She Wrote, starring Miley Cirus.

    (Did I spell that even remotely right?)

  • Yes, that’s how you spell Murder She Wrote.

  • Wayne

    PLEASE tell me you’re joking! Bale as Nero Wolfe is stupid and Garner as MISS MARPLE???!!!!??? To state the obvious she’s too young! Doesn’t anybody remember how people loved Amgela Landsbury in “Murder She Wrote”? OK OK the show sucked but it shows that people WILL watch an older woman solve mysteries.

  • P Stroud

    I guess one has to be a Hollywood exec in order to have the “wisdom” to “rethink” the Miss Marple concept like this.

  • PB210

    Actually, when Albert Finney played Hercule Poirot, he still had his youthful, proto-Ewan McGregor look of the 1960’s. They had to use heavy make-up to transform him into Poirot. Perhaps they will do the same here.

  • zombiewhacker

    With Betty White more popular than she’s ever been, you’d think she’d be considered for Mrs. Marple. Maybe execs are afraid she wouldn’t live long enough to be in a sequel.

  • Not-So-Great Cthulhu

    My brain hurts.

  • Toby Clark

    All of a sudden the idea of Joaquin Phoenix playing Kaneda and Robert Pattinson playing Tetsuo in the new Akira movie doesn’t seem so stupid.

  • Marsden

    Sandy wrote:
    Wow. When I saw this post by Ken, it was so obviously a dumb joke. Then I did a little research, to my cost.

    That’s a great post.

  • Frank Bauroth

    The people responsible for these atrocities need to burn. Forever. And that is a moderate response.