My natural indolance pays off!

Updated on September 1, 2010 By Ken Begg 17 Comments

I never actually got out to see Avatar, partly because of my fears that the film, at an overly pithy 162 minutes, was just too short to really tell it’s amazingly complicated story with the detail and nuance required.

Luckily the new “special edition” version due out in theaters soon is eight or nine minutes longer.  Still a little skimpy, but getting there.  Plus, it apparently has a longer beastiality love scene, by which I mean we get to see the hero (presumably via his avatar) screw the cartoon blue alien chick.  Because otherwise, you know, how would we be able to perceive some sort of emotional connection between them?  Remember how flat the relationship between Bogart and Bergman in Casablanca was?  Or Jimmy Stewart and Donna Reed in It’s a Wonderful Life?  No worries here!

Anyway, I’m totally hyped.

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  • alex

    How dare you make fun of James Cameron! He is the King of the World! (push sarcasm key off)

  • No, no, I was TOTALLY SERIOUS.

    (Hmm, my key is stuck.)

  • BeckoningChasm

    I hear he’s going to make an ever better cut of Avatar, which lasts for an entire week! (You have to rent your theatre seat, but it comes with room service.)

    NOW the story will be told properly!

  • I hear in the extended version, Han doesn’t shoot first.

    …

    …

    …

    …

    Well, it was funny to me…

  • Ericb

    Comming soon the SyFy – Avatar: The Series.

  • Ericb

    Just be glad it wasn’t made in Japan, the blue aliens would have had tentacles.

  • Elizabeth

    Did you see that Cameron attacked Piranha 3D for basically being unworthy of joining the great artistic renaissance? And how it “cheapens the medium” while these other masterworks like Tron: Legacy should be getting all the attention?

    One of the producers had this long, long whiny rebuttal, but I always felt the proper response to this sort of thing was “shut up, James Cameron, nobody cares what you think.” Sadly, people do care what he thinks, but it’d still be nice to tell him otherwise.

  • Well, he IS the King of the World.

    I hope he finally makes a little money off this special edition of Avatar. It’d be nice if his hard work paid off for once.

    The funniest thing about his knocking Piranha 3-D, of course, is that he himself directed Piranha 2: The Spawning…or at least he did until he was fired from the gig mid-shoot.

  • Gamera

    I hear the sequel is already in the works. I wonder if it will have the aliens taking over Earth – for ‘our own good’ of course.

    Am I wrong to have fantasies of the Cardassians or Klingons invading Pandora and turning the whole friggin’ planet into a Soviet style slave labor camp?

  • Ericb

    or have them assimilated by the Borg.

  • The Rev.

    Haven’t seen Avatar, don’t really care to, so…in related news, I finally saw Casablanca a month or so ago. As with my first time watching Halloween, it was definitely a case of, “I reeeeeeally should’ve seen this a lot sooner.” It’s one of those rare instances of everyone being right about how great a movie it is.

    As a bonus (?), I now get even more of the references in Overdrawn at the Memory Bank.

  • fish eye no miko

    Ericb said: “Just be glad it wasn’t made in Japan, the blue aliens would have had tentacles.”

    Actually, they kinda do already.

    Ericb said: “Comming soon the SyFy – Avatar: The Series.”

    Dammit, Eric, don’t give them any ideas!

    Re: Cameron bashing Piranha 3-D: Uh.. 3-D movies have traditionally been horror films, actually. The original House of Wax and Robot Monster, the “part three of the franchise being in 3-D” movies in the 80’s, the recent My Bloody Valentine remake… Oh, and you movie is about BLUE ALIEN CAT PEOPLE. How is that any more high-minded then a wall-done horror movie?

  • everyone knows horror films are only for creepy pallid pervs.

  • Rock Baker

    Cameron’s attitude about Piranha 3D is puzzling, since HIS Piranha movie was possibly worse. I don’t know how you make a movie about flying piranha that’s not entertaining, but Cameron managed to do it, and then snuck into the lab and put his name back on the film!

    I can’t say as I have any interest in seeing Avatar at any running time. The trailer more or less killed any excitement I might’ve had for it.

  • fish eye no miko

    Sandy Petersen said: “everyone knows horror films are only for creepy pallid pervs.”

    Hey! I resemble that remark!

  • The only way I’d watch that racist kindergarten-level dreck again is with an alternate ending. (Hmmm, Black Lantern Miles Quaritch? Too far fetched?)

  • Dan Coyle

    This tree-hugging commie was rooting for Quaritch by film’s end.