Hard choices…

Updated on June 16, 2010 By Ken Begg 32 Comments

As I was watching (for about the millionth time, and I don’t even watch TV that much) the commercial for the new Twilight movie, with the exclusively 18 year-old looking glam vampires fighting the rhino-sized CGI werewolves, I was forced to admit that, had I a gun to my head, I’d probably rather watch that movie then Underworld.  At least the editing didn’t look utterly spastic, and it probably wouldn’t have pounding psuedo-metal or techno music blasting through the whole thing.

On the other hand, how much better would the world be if instead I could go see this in a theater:

By the way, I did see that in a drive-in back when I was a wee lad. It was on a triple bill with The Embalmer and Horror of Dracula.

Also, can you believe Sandy’s never shown a Paul Naschy werewolf movie at T-Fest? Weird.

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  • Ericb

    They certainly are pounding out those Twilight movies at quite a pace. I guess they figure they should strike while the iron is hot but, jeez, what it is three movies in 18 months (or maybe I’m just getting old and time flies by faster). I can’t believe the rush makes for quality, though I’ll probably never find out first hand.

  • Also, they probably want to get these in the can before the ‘vampires’ appreciably age.

    Hollywood believed at one point that audiences would quickly tire of a series if there weren’t a two or three year gap between each entry (the same way the print industry did / still does believe that authors shouldn’t release too many books too fast). I always thought this was incorrect, and for whatever reason Hollywood seems to be changing its mind. It never made sense to me; if you liked one film a lot, surely you’d like to see the follow-up as quickly as possible.

  • The reason I haven’t put up a Paul Naschy is because, as you can readily see from the trailer Ken provided, Paul Naschy’s movies are Terrifically good, grade A-1, Oscar quality material.

    I did show Naschy’s HUNCHBACK OF THE MORGUE at my home one year, and Ken was thrilled to see the acid pit in action.

  • Rock Baker

    Man, I’ve GOT to see this one! (and now I know where that stock footage-from-a-much-better-made-period-looking-Naschy-werewolf-movie-that-was spliced-into-‘Fury of the Wolfman’ came from) I don’t know why, but I’ve not collected near as many of these things as I wanted to. All I have at this point is a shortened (TV print I think, all the action has been removed) version of Assignment: Terror (under the Dracula vs Frankenstein title), and a cropped copy of Fury of the Wolfman. If you do show one at one of your shows, I nominate Fury of the Wolfman. It’s a lot like Genocide was, something seems to be wrong in every single scene!

  • Rock Baker

    On the sequels-stretched-out-over-a-year-or-more issue, you stood to make more money by making the audience wait for a long time, building their hunger for the next episode. It had been so long that audiences eagerly ran to see the new Thin Man movie or 007 epic. Today, you have to factor in the impact of television, where an entire series is likely to be aired over a single day or weekend. Today, you can get burnt out on a property so quickly, they have to strike while the iron is hot.

  • Plissken79

    The Twilight series certainly has its flaws, both on print and on film (although I find the first film oddly watchable). But one thing I really enjoy about it, is that unlike the execrable True Blood, the vampires outside of the Cullens are all thoroughly evil. The civil rights struggles of VAMPIRES as an analogy for the civil right struggles of blacks and homosexuals? Give me a break

  • BeckoningChasm

    Today, you have to factor in the impact of television, where an entire series is likely to be aired over a single day or weekend.

    Not to mention home video, where you can see the first film over and over again whenever you wish.

  • Tim

    I have to admit, the new twilight movie looks like it could be halfway decent. I’m sure it’s because of the way the trailer was edited. The movie itself is probably nothing like the trailer. Or it’s like Iron Man 2, where every single good scene was shown in the trailer.
    Also, how about telling us what movie the monster of the day is from? Not everyone has seen the same or number of movies you have.

  • Tim — I usually like to see how long it takes for someone to identify the movie. (Which usually isn’t very long.) I’m pretty sure most of them are identified pretty quickly in the comments.

  • In related news, have you heard that Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg are making a ‘Twilight’ parody movie due out this year? Apparently their titanium reinforced holding cell at the Colorado Super-Max wasn’t enough to contain them. Whatever they make, it won’t be a billionth as funny as ‘Twilight’ is unintentionally. Now excuse me, I’m off to build a bomb shelter.

  • Thanks, Ken – truly a “comfort” trailer (and you just can’t beat “Chill-o-Rama” for top notch movie viewing). Actually, seeing that film with those other movies at the drive-in (especially “The Horror of Dracula”) is a pretty cool historic event. Young folks today don’t know what they’re missing (old geezer line).

  • Oh, yes – I forgot. One of my current writing assignments involves keeping up with Hollywood trends for a group of film investors. I have to admit – I’m pretty damn sick of “Twilight”. There. I said it.

  • Ericb

    I saw in some blurb somewhere that the female protagonist eventually becomes pregnent via the emo vampire. I didn’t know that vampires could reproduce sexually. So would the resulting offspring have a birthday or an undead day?

  • RE: Drive-ins…yes, they really don’t know what they are missing, because they’ll never know giant cars you could easily stick six people into with huge dashboards to hold all your junk food. Small cars and high taxes killed the drive-in.

  • The Rev. D.D.

    SEE —

    The Mummy-Tailor!

    The Mad Scientist-Vocational Guidance Counselor!

    The Rev. run the joke into the ground!

    Ericb: She does indeed get knocked up by the sparkly vamp. My understanding is that the last book’s largely about her trying to survive said pregnancy, although I don’t know if it’s due to its strength, or if it’s sucking her blood whilst in the womb, or what.

  • She’s married to the good guy vampire married at the time so it’s not morally suspect in any way.

    How about a slew of Chupacabra movies for T-Fest? Mysteriously, I have felt an overpowering need to purchase every one of those suckers that I can. It’s inexplicable.

  • BeckoningChasm

    I think I saw part of Frankenstein’s Bloody Terror on TV once. Was this the one which started out with a title card stating how Frankenstein had to change his name to Wolfstein?

    I, um, remember finding it a bit too dull to watch.

  • Yes! It does have it’s slow patches, and might have well be cut up pretty severely on TV, depending on when you saw it. However, it did feature the first werewolf vs. werewolf fight in a movie.

  • Gamera

    The civil rights struggles of VAMPIRES as an analogy for the civil right struggles of blacks and homosexuals? Give me a break

    AMEN!!! Could we have a vampire movie using them as maybe- you know- monsters again??? The only ‘sparkly’ vampire I want to see is him sparkle in the sunlight before he catches fire, and goes up like a torch. Sorry to always be Ken’s suck-up but I can’t agree more with his micro review of ‘Fright Night’.

    I think I once dated the Ghoul Woman though,…

  • Ken Suck-Ups are always encouraged here at Jabootu!

  • Gamera

    I aim to please!

    Though I do have to disagree that as bad as Underworld is it does have Kate Beckensdale (sp?) in a painted-on latex jumpsuit which the Twilight films lack.

  • I’ll be the first to admit that Kate Beckensale in leather does nothing more for me than a zillion other hot women in leather in better movies.

  • Rock Baker

    “However, it did feature the first werewolf vs. werewolf fight in a movie.” And Fury of the Wolfman probably had the first werewolf battle with a female werewolf taking part! The fight in Frankenstein’s Bloody Terror looks much more exciting though.

  • Gamera

    Sorry, didn’t mean to imply that Kate was worth watching something as bad as Underworld. Just looking for something, anything nice to say about the movie.

  • No, I hear you, but man, that’s a high tariff to pay.

  • zombiewhacker

    Funny, I liked Underworld.

  • Well, different strokes for different folks.

  • I didn’t know that vampires could reproduce sexually.

    The vampires in Twilight are not really vampires, which will soon pop up in my blog discussing Twilight (along with my endless annoyance at this). There’s nothing about the characters that is informed by their vampirism, and the romance is played as straight as any forbidden romance would be (making me wonder if the prominence of a copy of Romeo and Juliet in the film version of New Moon was some kind of sly jab at the series). It’s just a gimmick to attract readers who would turn their noses up at the story of your average abusive, codependent relationship.

    And I really hate having one of my favourite monsters used as a gimmick for a crappy teen romance. If you’re going to steal the prestige of an established figure (the vampire), you take the responsibility of respecting that figure’s history. If you find that history too restrictive, find another established figure to borrow, or *gasp* create your own.

  • I didn’t know that vampires could reproduce sexually.

    The vampires in Twilight are not really vampires, which will soon pop up in my blog discussing Twilight (along with my endless annoyance at this). There’s nothing about the characters that is informed by their vampirism, and the romance is played as straight as any forbidden romance would be (making me wonder if the prominence of a copy of Romeo and Juliet in the

  • Rock Baker

    Respect for history and tradition, major or minor, doesn’t seem to be found anywhere in pop culture. I lament the treatment of Hanna-Barbara’s stable of characters to tell dirty jokes just as much as I lament turning vampires into sexual fantasy figures. But there’s always the Warhol take on this issue, which says that I’m a square and don’t understand genius. (And maybe that is the case. I do know that as wacky as the world has gotten, I take a lot of pride in being a square!)

  • sandra

    I am actually quite fond of FRANKENSTEIN’S BLOODY TERROR. Those who haven’t had the pleasure can watch the entire film on Yourtube. Those who find TWILIGHT a pain should watch BUFFY VS EDWARD, also at Youtube. Its brilliant !

  • Toby C

    I like the Twilight books more than I probably should, although I think what strengths they have are pretty much accidental and Stephenie Meyer herself is a moron. I haven’t read Breaking Dawn yet, though, and I’m not in a hurry to. But I am looking forward to seeing Eclipse, since it was the best of the first three books, and I’m guessing we’ll get see more of the vampire fights in the climax.

    I haven’t seen Underworld, but I haven’t ruled out seeing it. It’s certainly not high on my list, though.