Most cliches in one paragraph award…

Updated on June 18, 2009 By Ken Begg 13 Comments

Synopsis for the movie Octane in the latest Baker and Taylor DVD flyer:

In the world of racing, there are no rules and adrenaline is the only name of the game.  When bad boy Brent Black discovers the fun but dangerous ways of illegal street racing, he faces a deadly challenge from a longtime rival.  Does he have what it takes to win?  The stakes are high and everything worth living for is on the line.  But when you live life in the fast lane, anything can happen.  High speed, high risk…high Octane.

Have fun by switching in other cliches at random, to much the same effect:

But when you live life in the fast lane, the early bird gets the worm!

In the world of racing, there are no rules and one good turn deserves another!

I like the way they also insert unnecessary words, as if the blurb were written by someone for who English was a second language:  “…and adrenaline is the only name of the game.”  What’s that ‘only’ doing there?

Also, see how much more alliteration you can add to the phrase “bad boy Brent Black”.

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  • Sebastien Nante

    How can Brent Black have a “longtime rival” if he’s just “discovered” illegal street racing? Oh, right, it must be because he’s living in the fast lane. Where a second is an eternity and rivalries (sorry, deadly rivalries) can emerge in the blink of an eye.

  • Ericb

    But when you live life in the fast lane, an apple a day keeps the doctor away

  • “How can Brent Black have a “longtime rival” if he’s just “discovered” illegal street racing?”

    They both used to deliver pizzas for Freakin’ Fast Freddie’s, and were quite competitive about it. However, Brent was fired after his rival framed him for a late pizza delivery. So imagine Brent’s dismay when he finds out he’ll be street racing against none other than his old foe Dirk “The Delivenator” Dragon. And the only prize worth winning is the woman they both love.

    That’s just a guess, though. Still, it’s an educated one.

    “[H}e’s living in the fast lane. Where a second is an eternity and rivalries (sorry, deadly rivalries) can emerge in the blink of an eye.”

    My friend, you just won yourself a job writing plot despriptions for Lionsgate.

  • Ericb

    “So imagine Brent’s dismay when he finds out he’ll be street racing against none other than his old foe Dirk “The Delivenator” Dragon.”

    In Neal Stephenson’s novel “Snowcrash” there’s a character who delivers pizza and calls himself the “deliverator.”

  • I’ve never read any Stephenson, but I keep meaning to getting around to that great whacking trilogy of his.

  • Beefy Bad Boy Bisexual Baby-Bashing Brent “Bilingual” Black

    How’s that?

  • Ericb

    “I’ve never read any Stephenson, but I keep meaning to getting around to that great whacking trilogy of his”

    I enjoyed them but they are pretty dense. If you are not familiar with late 17th and early 18th century British history it would probably be a good idea to brush up a little bit on it before starting the series.

  • Marsden

    I just love reading the instructions that come with some made in China products. Now they’re writing the movie blurbs.

  • fish eye no miko

    Sandy Petersen said: “Beefy Bad Boy Bisexual Baby-Bashing Brent ‘Bilingual’ Black
    How’s that?”

    You should add in a nationality that starts with “B”, like British or Balinese… ^_^

    Let me try a few of these sentences…
    “he faces a deadly challenge from Toonces, the cat who could rive a car!”

    “But when you live life in the fast lane, it’s sure to make you lose you mind!”

    “High speed, high risk… high five!”

  • “High speed, high risk… high five!”

    I actually kind of like that one. “This week on…ACTION BROS!”

  • BeckoningChasm

    I would suspect “adrenaline is the only name of the game” was originally “adrenaline is the only game in town,” but the writer thought, “No, no, that doesn’t suck enough.” And he left out a few backspaces.

  • For the alliteration, I would like to add somewhere “bouncin’ n’ behavin'” and “behemoth”. The two don’t go together, but the first was my favorite pointless advertising slogan, and “behemoth” just always makes movie blurbs better.

    It also seems as we are working with B’s and a racing movie that “blazing” (with or without the G) should go in there somewhere.

  • And how could I forget “bleached blond”?