I Was Wrong: Hollywood is in GREAT shape…

Updated on May 22, 2009 By Ken Begg 20 Comments

“Michael Eisner and his Tornante Co. have tapped newcomer Mark Hammer to pen a feature adaptation of Bazooka Joe, the comic strip that comes with Bazooka bubble gum.”

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  • Ericb

    Coming soon “Mr. Clean: The Motion Picture.”

  • jzimbert

    Running time: 168 minutes

  • Joe11

    Directed by Michael Bay with a budget of $175 million!

  • Rockrocky77

    Starring Vin Diesel as “Mr.Clean”

  • Pip

    Starring Sean Penn and Morgan Freeman.

  • fish eye no miko

    Suddenly Penny Arcade’s “Tetris: The Movie” seems like less of a joke and more of a prophesy…

  • Grumpy

    May it enjoy as much success as “Mars Attacks!”

  • I was going to add some quip, but I realized the lead is the punch line. You really can’t add any humor, this is just as funny as it gets, all on its own.

  • Terrahawk

    But wait, someone realizes that a Bazooka is a gun. The movie is retitled to Palooka Joe.

  • How many tickets do you have to buy to get a box of sea shells?

  • wjl2

    We’re about to see another ten minute sketch idea expanded into 90 minutes of movie.

  • suto

    I think you guys are over reacting. A lot of those movies they made about Three Musketeers were pretty decent.

  • Well played, suto. I don’t think I can top that.

  • BeckoningChasm

    But wait, someone realizes that a Bazooka is a gun. The movie is retitled to Palooka Joe.

    Except there was a character called “Joe Palooka,” whose rights-owners suddenly appear and a) sue or b) rush a competing picture into production.

  • Actually, the word ‘bazooka’ was originally the name of a musical instrument. The anti-tank weapons in the 1940s were nicknamed ‘bazookas’ because of their similarity to this instrument. But I can see Hollywood getting PC over that. The upcoming Disney feature “The Princess and the Frog” got into trouble because ‘frog’ is a slur word against the French, even though in the film the frog is an actual frog in the amphibian sense of the word. Stupid Hollywood!

  • John Nowak

    One of the strangest things I have ever seen in my life was a Bazooka Joe comic co-starring Johnny Depp.

    http://www.ugcs.caltech.edu/~jimmyk/bazooka_html/baz34.html

    To this day, I wonder how much Johnny Depp was paid so his likeness could appear in a Bazooka Joe comic.

  • A Double Mint Twin film would probably be porno. Same for Juicy Fruit, Big Red, and Double Bubble. . .wait, they all sound like porno including Bazooka Joe.

  • roger h-

    Most candy sounds pornographic: Bit’o Honey, Mike and Ike, Good’n’Plenty, Mounds, Hershey Kisses…

  • ginbot

    To John Nowak:
    Wow, Bazooka Joe is even LESS funny than I remember.
    Here’s hoping for Laffy Taffy 2: Electric Banana

  • John Nowak

    Well, ginbot, it’s possible that the original run of Bazooka Joe comics did actually succeed at making grade school kids chuckle, but this was the hip 90s revision.

    I wish I still had that Johnny Depp strip. It would be worth travelling just to see if he’d autograph it.