…for a day. What one actor or actress would you want to play what one part?
Ever since I was a kid I’ve loved the Nero Wolfe mysteries by Rex Stout. The novels–about 40 of them–are really about the characters, and not (as with the largely flavorless Agatha Christie) about carefully plotted mysteries. The main ones are series narrator Archie Goodwin, your typical man of action private eye type, and his boss, the gargantuan and highly eccentric genuis Nero Wolfe.
The books are rather comic in tone, mostly because Goodwin is fluent in classic PI sarcasese. His relationship with the highly prickly Wolfe is what makes the long series of novels what they are, which is hands down the most re-readable set of books I’ve ever had the pleasure to enjoy, even including Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes stories. Indeed, Stout clearly (and entirely aptly) took much of from the Holmes/Watson relationship as his model for Archie and Wolfe. Although Watson was rather less likely given to fantasize about chucking objects at Holmes’ head.
Hollywood’s always had trouble with Wolfe because he is genuinely pretty misanthropic and testy. Their answer has invariably been to markedly jolly him up, which just destroys the character. (In the same way, we wouldn’t want a really sunny, chatty Holmes.) The first two actors to play Wolfe, the seemingly quite apt Edward Arnold and the less well known Walter Connelly, both took this tack back in the ’30s. Stout hated the results so much he refused to let the movies or TV (at least in this country, where he could see the results) take another whack at Wolfe. He did allow the character to appear in various radio series, and again, the results were generally gruesome. Sidney Greenstreet is the most famous actor to assay Wolfe over a microphone, and again, his Wolfe was given to vastly inappropriate cheerfulness and chuckling.
Stout eventually passed away in the ’70s, whereupon his estate made the property available to the networks again. Wolfe is such a very specific character, however…certainly physically…that very few actors can play him. The most obvious necessary trait is a very fat actor, but given Wolfe’s character and vast intellect, that’s only the starting point. Look how long it took to find an arguably perfect Holmes in Jeremy Brett. Now imagine how much longer things would have taken had Holmes weighed and required a portrayer close to 300 pounds.
Anyway, in 1979 NBC made a pilot movie, starring the chunky if not quite actually fat Thayer David as Wolfe–who was again a bit too cheerful, although not nearly as bad as some of his predecessors–and Tom Mason as Archie. The pilot did OK, and was decent if not great. However, Thayer died before a series could come about. The network then offered the role to Orson Welles, who turned it down. This crushed me at the time, as the commanding Welles would have been perfect as Wolfe. As we shall see, though, this proved an all too wise decision on Welles’ part.
Instead, the role went to TV’s then professional fat guy, William Conrad. Despite his beard, Conrad didn’t seem a bad choice, and his legendary booming voice seemed a likely asset. However, my heart dropped in my chest the first episode when, during the friggin’ opening credits, we saw Wolfe cheerfully guffawing away until he spots the camera, at which point he assumed a patently disingenuis glower. See, they were telling us, Wolfe just ACTS grumpy. He’s really just a big teddy bear, that guy.
Aside from that, the actor they picked to play Archie was professional Tom Selleck imitator Lee Horsely. Standing 6′ 3″ and sporting broad shoulders, Horsley towered over the 5′ 7″ Conrad and made him look like a wee little fat fellow rather than a hugely imposing figure. Psychologically, this was a horrible situation. Even worse, the show fielded some of the worst scripts I’ve ever seen for a TV show. All in all, it was a debacle. I stopped watching the program well before it left the air, which was after about half a season.
It was heaven, then, when in 2001 Stout fan Timothy Hutton made a Wolfe pilot movie for A&E, taking the part of Archie for himself. (Hutton’s father, actor Jim Hutton, passed away at the too early age of 44, just before the then 20 year-old Timothy won his Oscar for Ordinary People. Jim Hutton had in the ’70s played another literary detective of the ’30s and ’40s, Ellery Queen, in a highly enjoyable show. I’ve always wondered if Tim Hutton was drawn to Archie as a way to make a connection with his dad.)
Hutton was easily the best Archie ever. The show was set in period, although it seemed to flucuate (as the books did during their decades long run) from the ’40s to the ’60s and back again. Even so, the ’40s was where the characters were basically steeped, and Hutton really suggested the era to an amazing degree. Even his body was correct; his slim build really calls to mind that period more than the way actors today look, with their muscular gym-cut bodies and increased height.
Best of all, Hutton really captured Archie’s jauntiness. His Goodwin was constantly moving in time to some jazzy theme music he seemed to hear in his head. I guess he overplayed Archie’s New Yawk accent a bit (Archie actually hailed from Ohio), but hey, that’s pretty small beer.
Of course, the bigger issue–literally–was who to get to play Wolfe. Again, you’re starting with a pretty limited pool of guys who weigh in at a seventh of a ton or more…say, 275 and up. They ended up getting Maury Chaykin. At first he didn’t really capture the hugeness (of personality) of Wolfe I required, but when the pilot became a show, Chaykin grew on me. He’s not a great Wolfe, certainly not in the way Hutton was a great Archie, but he’s a more than serviceable one. Enough so that I was really a bit heartbroken when the marvelous program ended after its second season.
So here we are, back to our original query. If you could have any actor play any part, who would it be? For me, I’m more than happy to stick with Hutton as Goodwin, but for Wolfe? Give me this guy:
Most people who recognize Robbie Coltrane know him for his comic roles, or as the gigantic Hagrid in the Harry Potter movies. However, those who have seen him in the brilliant TV police series Cracker know Coltrane can play extremely flawed characters very symphathetically, as well as project the vast intellect and presence that Wolfe demands.
Basically, I think Coltrane would bring to Wolfe what his countryman Hugh Laurie, a man previously best known for playing goony twit Bertie Wooster, brings to the brilliant but obnoxious genuis Gregory House. House and Wolfe actually have a lot in common personality-wise. Were House a gigantically huge pathological homebody who solved crimes rather than medical mysteries, you’ve be pretty close to where you want to be. Although it must be said that Wolfe carries himself with a lot more old world dignity.
Anyway, that’s my bit of dream casting. What’s yours?
