VANNA WHITE AT HER MOST EXPRESSIVE IN THE GODDESS OF LOVE
Friday was our Discord Watch Party.
NBC briefly tried to make Vanna White a thing by building a 1988 TV movie around her. To give her the best possible chance at success, it was basically a remake of the previous year’s Mannequin. Aphrodite (“You know I prefer Venus,” she tells Zeus, so that’s what she’s actually called throughout) is up in a garden, er, Olympus, on trial for…something. John Rhys Davies is Zeus (!), Betsy Palmer is Hera (!!) and there’s a blink and you’ll miss him appearance by Sig Haig. Other actual actors used to vainly support the AWFUL performance of the vaguely pretty White include David Naughton, David Leisure (playing Larry from Three’s Company), Amanda Bearse, Philip Baker Hall and a just maybe possibly might be gay Little Richard. Seldom have so many struggled so much to achieve so little. The film (which is terrible to begin with) is albatrossed by White, although it must be said, every line she gives is entertainingly hilarious. She’s up there with the woman who played Valaria in Robot Holocaust.
In fact, I said I wanted to see a series where those two played sisters who solved crimes. Man, that would have been great.
This is the rare comedy that’s somehow kind of entertaining despite being dreadful. White is hypnotic, and you’re basically aghast the whole time. When “Venus” is turned into a statue, it’s clearly a cheap plaster job, and not the elegant marble piece the film informs us it is. And that’s the central prop in the movie.
Other than Vanna, that is.
It’s on YouTube, anyway. Next Discord Watch Party will be a week from Friday.
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