He’s a *really* little bit rock n’ roll…

Updated on August 24, 2007 By Ken Begg 16 Comments

Donny Osmond will be appearing at a local theater, and I noticed he is singing covers songs from his recent album (who knew Donny Osmond had recent albums?) Love Songs of the ’70s.  No decade has worse music–why should it’s music be different–and so I checked out the contents of the album.  Even I was surprised and appalled, however, to see that one of the tunes was Dan Hill’s uber-mawkish opus “Sometimes When We Touch”:

“You ask me if I love you
And I choke on my reply
I’d rather hurt you honestly
Than mislead you with a lie
And who am I to judge you
On what you say or do?
I’m only just beginning to see the real you

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty’s too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

Romance and all its strategy
Leaves me battling with my pride
But through the insecurity
Some tenderness survives
I’m just another writer
Still trapped within my truth
A hesitant prize fighter
Still trapped within my youth

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty’s too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

At times I’d like to break you
And drive you to your knees
At times I’d like to break through
And hold you endlessly

At times I understand you
And I know how hard you’ve tried
I’ve watched while love commands you
And I’ve watched love pass you by

At times I think we’re drifters
Still searching for a friend
A brother or a sister
But then the passion flares again

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty’s too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides”

I mean….blech!  Seriously, that tune makes David Soul’s “Don’t Give Up On Us, Baby” look dignified.  It’s hard to believe Osmond choose to record that song on purpose.  Maybe some villains were holding his family hostage.

For those interested, the other cuts on the album include:

 

1. I Can See Clearly Now – Johnny Nash

2. Sometimes When We Touch – Dan Hill
3. Let’s Stay Together – Al Green
4. Laughter In The Rain – Neil Sedeka
5. When I Need You – Leo Sayer
6. How Long – Ace
7. Mandy – Barry Manilow
8. You Are So Beautiful – Joe Cocker
9. Will It Go Round In Circles – Billy Preston
10. How Deep Is Your Love – Bee Gees
11. Alone Again Naturally – Gilbert O’Sullivan
12. If – Bread

“When I Need You”?  “You Are So Beautiful”?  Boy, when Manilow’s “Mandy” is about the fifth sappiest song on your album, you know something’s gone awry.  And surely I can’t be the only person to ever opine that anyone who calls himself Gilbert O’Sullivan deserves a severe smacking.

Pin It

  • John Doe

    hmm, 70’s and 80’s were full of really sappy love songs. i actually remember that one with fondness. i think you have to have just been dumped by someone to really appreciate it.

  • sardu

    Donnie’s preternatural whiteness is no worse than most of those songs deserve. But there will be some form of divine retribution for whatever appalling interpretation he undoubtedly inflicts of Al Green.

  • Is it bad that I hummed along to the song while I was reading those lyrics? I guess the magic of ’70’s sappy love songs is that no one writes those anyore. So if you want to have something to play while snuggling up with your lady, and R&B isn’t your thing, then Barry Manilow is gonna have to do.

    HOWEVER, I could never understand how a song called “Muskrat Love” could be a hit for Captain & Tenile. I mean… Muskrat … Love?!?!? And … the song isn’t some sort of Weird Al parody?

  • fish eye no miko

    “I can see clearly now, my brain is gone…”
    And I can never read or hear about “Mandy” without think of “Angel” and David Boreanaz’s (intentionally) crappy singing. THAT’S what Angelus shoulda done to torture people!

  • Ericb

    Well, at least he’s not pulling a Pat Boone and singing Black Sabbath.

  • Hasimir Fenring

    So if you want to have something to play while snuggling up with your lady, and R&B isn’t your thing,

    …crank up the Rammstein, baby!

    Well, at least he’s not pulling a Pat Boone and singing Black Sabbath.

    Or Tom Jones doing Prince.

  • Charles Goodwin

    My friends, can your hearts stand the shocking sounds of Love Songs of the 70’s??? Surely, this must be Plan 10…

  • BeckoningChasm

    I do have to say, “Will It Go Round In Circles” is an awesome song–it’s pure 70’s yes, but of the rare good kind.

    As for Dan Hill, whenever that song comes on the radio, I think, “Sometiems when we touch/We have to rub our butts…” (Jr. High School forever!)

  • BeckoningChasm

    PS: Wasn’t “Mandy” written about a dog?

  • Ed Richardson

    The 70s was a great decade for popular music. Glam, disco, punk…but yes, those are mostly sappy love songs on that list that I dislike. How Deep Is Your Love is a fine song but it’s better used as a break to the driving disco on the Sat N Fever soundtrack.

  • Wasn’t “Alone Again Naturally” a sales pitch for Prosac?

  • sardu

    “Shannon” by Henry Gross was abut a dog.

    “Shannon is gone, I hope she’s drifting out to sea…”

    A dead dog.

  • The Rev. D.D.

    He’s trying to do a Joe Cocker song? And Al Green?

    Good luck, Donnie…

    I have an odd fondness for “Muskrat Love.” I have no idea why.

    P.S. Cranking up the Rammstein…I’m down with that.

  • PCachu

    Maybe he could turn out a decent career coda as “Weird Al” Yankovic’s backup dancer. He did so well on the “White & Nerdy” video…

  • Terrahawk

    What, no “Love is Like Oxygen?” You know if you get too much you get too high, not enough and you’re going to die.

  • Shawn Pollock

    The 70’s had some great music, but would anyone take Donny “Puppy Love” Osmond seriously if he were covering The Clash, The Ramones, The Faces, Alice Cooper, Kiss, etc.? It would crack me up, but seriously, this stuff is more his speed and he’s welcome to it.